Yours Fun Portal !
On Newsweek’s story about U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay flushing a copy of the Koran down the toilet
The White House is still very upset about this. They said Newsweek should have retracted the story as soon they found out they got its facts wrong.
If we pulled back every time we got our facts wrong, we wouldn’t even be in Iraq.
-Jay Leno
Yo mama’s so fat, when she stepped on the dog’s tail we had to change his name to Beaver.
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”
She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Yo momma is so fat when she goes outside in a red t-shirt, little kids follow her and yell “Hey Koolaid”
A white man noticed the impressive length of the black man’s penis at the adjacent urinal.
“Sure wish I had one like your’s.”
The black man replied “You can–just tie a string around it and hang weight on the end of the string. Put the weight down your pant leg, and you can have one like mine.”
The white man thanked him for the suggestion and left.
Some weeks later, they met again in the lavatory.
The black man asked how the project was going.
“Great–I’m half way there!” “Really?” said the black man.
“Yes. It’s black!”
There were once three men named Bob,Jimbo and Tim.
One day Bob needed a beer so he suggested going to ‘The Old Hag’
pub nearby.
“OK” said the others and they walked for five minutes to get
there.
When they did it was shut!All they saw was one man behind the
bar.
“Oh no!” said Tim “I’m thirsty too! Lets go to ‘The Daft
Mare’,but it is quite far from here”.
“OK” said the others and they walked the 45-minute journey to
the next pub,and alas,it was shut also,except for the same man
behind the bar.”Oh SHIT!” yelled Jimbo “I’m GAGGING for a
pint,lets go to ‘The Queen’s Legs’for a beer-it’s ages away,but
never mind”.
“OK LAST ONE!” agreed everyone,and they all walked the hour’s
journey to ‘The Queen’s Legs’.
When they got there a sign on the door said:
OPEN IN FIVE MINUTES!
so they decided to wait,when suddenly they saw their friend
Willie coming long the road
“What are you doing here?”He asked
“We are waiting for “The Queen’s Legs’ to open so we can have a
drink!”said Bob,and 5mins later they walked in only to find the
man behind the bar again sitting there grinning.
“What are you grinning at?” Asked Jimbo
“CAN’T YOU READ THE SIGN MAN?”He said,pointing to the right.
Jimbo turned,and sure enough there was the sign-
‘SORRY NO TRAVELLERS’ !!!!!!!!
A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, “TGIF, sir,” to which he replies, “S-H-I-T, ma’am.” Surprised, she replies, “Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice , TGIF stands for ‘Thank goodness it’s Friday.’ The man replies, “SHIT stands for ‘Sorry honey it’s Thursday.’
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her
parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend
that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip
to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack
because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parent�s house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on
in!”
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten
minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with
his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had
no idea you were this religious�.
The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist.”
did you hear the one about the 2 gay jufges? they tried each other.
Caring for floppy disks
ORIGAMI
Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can’t even get it out of the drive?
SMOKE
Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.
PIRANHAS
If you don’t have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of “caring” for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.
MAGNETS
They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can’t find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your display for a while, making sure that they are on.
MAIL
Put a disk in an envelope and don’t write any warning on it; then mail it to someone, and that’s all.
MAGIC TOUCH
Touch your floppy. As much as you can. If you have marmelade or butter in your fingers, better. Your floppy will acknowledge it.
DON’T USE ANY ENVELOPE
Archive them wihtout their envelope, piled under a lot of papers and manuals.
DON’T MAKE BACKUPS
Of course, if you don’t have any security copy, you won’t have to worry about how to destroy them once you have lost the original.
SUPREME STUPIDITY
It is the best way of destroying floppies. If you practice it regularly, you’ll find new methods to add to this list.
Two nuns decide they’re going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they’ve finally got to head back to the convent.To enter the convent’s grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.As they’re crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, “I feel like a Marine.”The second replies, “Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?”
Q: What’s the differents between Bill Clinton and an elephant?A: About 20 pounds and a jogging suit.