Calculus Finals

This is a true story. There was a student who had not been doing
very well in calculus, and he needed an extremely good grade on
the finals to pass the course. The finals took place in a huge
lecture hall, and there were about 1000 students taking the test
at the same time. The teacher supervising the students to make
sure nobody cheated was not very well liked. He had a bad
temper, and he always had an annoyed expression on his face.
This particular student did not do very well on tests when he
was being rushed, and the mean professor was up there screaming
out how much time they had left, and pacing the lecture hall
like a madman, glancing at everyone’s paper as he walked by.
Naturally, this bothered the student, and he was doing a rather
bad job on the test.

When the teacher screamed that time was up, he kept working. The
teacher didn’t bother to stop him after all of the other
students had left. He just sat at the desk at the back of the
lecture hall neatly stacking the test papers. Finally, an hour
later, the student finished. He walked up to the desk, which had
3 piles of test papers on it, each very neatly stacked, and
about 3 feet tall. The student handed the teacher his paper. The
teacher said, “Sorry, you’re an hour late. You have failed both
the test and the course. You must repeat it.” The student asked,
“Do you know who I am?” To which the professor responded “No,
and I don’t care either.” The student said, “I didn’t think so.”
and with those words, lifted one of the stacks halfway, shoved
his paper in, and dropped the rest of the stack on it, leaving
it perfectly stacked as it had been before. He then walked out
of the lecture hall.

Beer, Cigs, and Condoms

One day, 3 mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a red head, expect their daughters are having sex, so they decide to go through their purses.

The brunette mother goes through her daughters purse, and finds a can of beer. She thinks to herself, Oh no my daughter drinks!

The red head mother goes next and she find a pack of cigarettes. She thinks, Oh no, my daughter drinks!

The blonde mother goes last, and finds a condom. She thinks, Oh no, my daughter has a penis!

Blonde Rolls Back the Odometer

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her
friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.

“235,000 miles.” Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde’s
friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to
whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the
miles at 40,000. Two days later the blend�s friend asked her if she sold the car
since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, “Why would I sell the
car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”

Eyes shut

A man goes into a bar and asks the barmaid for a drink. The barmaid gives him the drink. Bofore he drank it, he shut his eyes. The barmaid noticed this and looked confussed so she went up to the man and said “ive noticed you shut your eyes before drinking” and the man says “yes…my doctor told me NEVER to look at another drink again.

“I Love You” in different languages

English….. I Love YouSpanish….. Te AmoFrench…… Je T’aimeGerman…… Ich Liebe DichJapanese…. Ai Shite ImasuItalian….. Ti AmoChinese….. Wo Ai NiSwedish….. Jag Alskar DigEskimo…… NagligivagetGreek……. S’AgapoHawaiian…. Aloha Wau la OeIrish……. Thaim In Grabh LeatHebrew…… Ani Ohev OtakhRussian….. Ya Lyublyu TyebyaAlbanian…. Une Te DuaFinnish….. Mina Rakkastan SinuaTurkish….. Seni SeviyorumHungarian… Se Ret LayPersian….. Du Stet DaramMaltese….. ien InhobbokCatalan….. Testimo MoltRedneck….. Nice Tits

21, 21, 21…

There’s a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,”21, 21, 21…”Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says,”What are you doing?”The brunette replies,”Just counting.”The blonde says,”May I join you?””Yes,” replies the brunette. So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying,”21, 21, 21…”A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit. After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,”22, 22, 22…”