Yours Fun Portal !
“Sometimes when I’m sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as
Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force.
Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works,
’cause the light always turns green.”
– Troy Peterson
a plane was flyin buy and one guy drops an apple and it hits a brunette guy and the guy on the plane lands where the brunette guy is and asks him “why are you crying?” and the brunette guy goes ” an apple hit me on my head” then the second guy in the plane throwse a pumpkin down on a red head.. he lands where the red head is and asks ” why are you crying?” and the red head goes “a pumpkin hit me on my head” and then the third guy throws a bomb down into a house with a blonde head he lands where a house is blown up. he asks the blonde head why he is laughing and the blonde head tells him “i farted and the house blew up”
A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
“This is $200,” she says.
“I want one that’s more sheer,” says he.
“This one is $350.”
“I want it even more sheer than that.”
“This one is the most sheer that we have. It’s $500.”
“I’ll take it!”
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.” His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, “This thing is so see-through that the old coot won’t even notice if I’m wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won’t know the difference.”
So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.
“So, how do you like it?” she asks. Her husband then complains, “Darn, you’d think for $500 they’d iron the dang thing!
A blonde’s house is on fire. She calls 911 and says, “My house is on
fire.” The dispatcher says, “Well, can you tell me how we get there?”
“Duhhhh, in the big red trucks, of course.”
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Little Simon came running into the house and asked,
‘Mummy, can little girls have babies?’
‘No,’ said his mum, ‘of course not.’
Simon ran back outside and his mum heard him yell to his friends, ‘It’s okay, we can play that game again!’
What goes ‘vroom-screech-vroom-screech’? A blonde at a flashing red light.
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn’t aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight.
“That’s fantastic”, the man said. “Hasn’t he scored three bulls?”
The showman, cursing his luck, made a play of going over to the target and inspecting it closely.
“Yes Sir!” , he announced to the crowd. “This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware”
“I don’t want any bloody glasses”, the drunk replied. “Give me another one of those delicious crusty meat pies.”
There was 3 women, a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They had to use the bathroom so they went to a supermarket. They asked the clerk where the bathroom was and he pointed to the back. As he did he said I must warn you, there is a magic mirrior in it and if you look in it and tell the truth, poof you will be surrounded by presents. If you look in it and tell a lie then you will poof away forever. The red went in first and said I think I am the prettiest of all, and poof she was surrrounded by presents. Then the brunette went in and said I think I have the prettiest hair of all, and poof she was surrounded by presents. Last the blonde went in and said, I think… and poof she went away forever.
It was mealtime during a trip on a small airline in the Northwest.
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in coach.
“What are my choices?” he asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the
American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management
decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting
firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.
The consultant’s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one
person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people
steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant
firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on
the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the American team’s management
structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers,
three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person
rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American
corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a
bonus for discovering the problem.”
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you
realize that the pig is at home in the mud.