yo mommas so fat her blood types ragoo.
Author: admin
Your Mama is Like A(n)..
Your Mama is Like A(n)…
…Hardware store, 5 cents a screw.
…Ice Cream Cone, everyone gets a lick.
…Tube of Pringles, once you pop, you can’t stop.
…vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the
closet.
…Shotgun, two cocks and she’s loaded.
…Railroad Track, she gets laid all over the country.
…Door Knob, evryone gets a turn.
…Christmas Tree, everyone hangs balls on her.
…Lettuce, 25 cents a head.
…Tricycle, she’s easy to ride.
…McDonalds, over 5 million served world wide.
…Carpender’s dream, flat as a board and east to nail.
…Fan, she’s always blowing someone.
…5 Foot Basketball hoop, it ain’t that hard to score.
…Turtle, once she’s on her back she’s fucked.
…Birthday Cake, everyone gets a piece.
…Squirrel, she’s always got some nuts in he mouth.
…Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, there’s no wrong way to eat her.
…Bag of Potato Chips, ” Free-To-Lay “
…the Sun, look at her to long and you’ll go blind.
…Bowling Ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the
gutter, and she still comes back for more.
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?A: “Thanks for the refill!”
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed…
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this
afternoon in central Poland. Polish Search and Rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies and expect that number to climb as digging continues
into the evening
Christmas Parrott
A man walks into a pet store and tells the owner that he is
looking for a parrot that sings Christmas carols. The owner
tells him that he is in luck becuase they just got one in that
day. So the man asks to see it.
It is a beautiful bird, and the man is very excited, so he askes
how you get it to sing. “Oh that’s simple,” answers the shop
owner, “all you have to do is hold a lighter up to the bird’s
body and it will sing different songs.”
So the man gets out his lighter and holds it up to the birds
left wing and it sings “Jingle Bells”, he is impressed. He then
holds it up to the right wing, and the bird starts to sing
“Frosty the Snowman”, when the lighter got held up to the birds
stomach it started to sing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.”
Finally the man holds the lighter up under the bird’s tail, and
without a moments hesitation the parrot starts to sing “Chesnuts
Roasting on an Open Fire.”
Ha Ha Ha you know you love it!! 🙂
Pilot in Hell
A pilot crashes during a flight and goes to hell. There Satan
appears in front of three doors and says, “You can choose
between any of these doors as your eternal fate. I’ll be back
once you’ve decided.” He goes away in a puff of smoke.
In the first door, the pilot sees a man having to do tons of
pre-flight checks for all eternity. He shudders and looks
through the second door, which depicts a pilot out of fuel and
going down, but just microseconds before he hits the ground, he
has to relive the scene over and over again. He shudders and
looks through Door #3, and he likes what he sees. It’s a pilot
leaning back in a reclining seat being fed grapes and figs and
what not and being slowly massaged by stewardesses in skimpy
lingerie.
Satan comes back and says, “Well, which one will it be?” The
pilot enthusiastically repeats, “Door #3! Door #3!!!” Satan
says, “You can’t choose that one. That’s flight attendant hell.”
Proper Care of Floppies
1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the
disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be
rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal
particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of
the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring
powder and soap. When waxing diskettes, make sure application is even.
This will allow the diskettes to spin faster, resulting in better access
time.
3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit in the drive. “Big”
diskettes may be folded and used in “little” disk drives.
4. Never insert a disk into the drive upside down. The data can fall off
the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox
machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two
diskettes together into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the
data will be recorded on both diskettes.
6. Diskettes should not be inserted into or removed from the drive while
the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly
unreadable text. Occasionally the red light continues to flash in what is
known as a “hung” or “hooked” state. If your system is “hooking” you, you
will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access
the disk drive.
7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the
disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack
the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to
cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
8. Data access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the
diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the
disk.
9.Diskettes can be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided they
have been properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry
before inserting into drive. (see item #2 above.)
10. Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data
stored is much too small to be seen with the naked eye, and you may end up
with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document.
Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, provided the user is equipped
with an electron microscope.
11. Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs
from spreading.
Le dice Venancia a su
Le dice Venancia a su esposo:
“Manolo, te tengo dos noticias, una buena y una mala. La buena es que voy a tener un hijo, la mala es que no es tuyo, es de tu amigo Pepe.”
Manolo se queda callado un instante y finalmente le responde:
“Pues no hay problema, �no le decimos nada y nos quedamos con �l!
Tooth brush
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don’t let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Deer Hunting with his Wife
After years of listening to her plead, a hunter finally decided to let his wife come hunting with him. He led her into the woods and left her in a blind with instructions on what to do when a deer came within range.
He had no sooner arrived at his own blind when he heard a shot coming from his wife’s direction. The first shot was quickly followed by several more. He immediately ran back to see what had happened, only to find a man standing in front of his wife with his hands up shouting, “OK lady, it’s your deer! Just let me take the saddle off!”
Buy Everyone a Round
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”
The bartender does just as the drunk requested and hands the man a bill for $57.00.
The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”
The bartender gets angry and throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.”
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can’t possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, “I haven’t got it.”
The bartender can’t believe it. He gets furious, picks the guy up and hurls him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), “Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill.
In disgust, the bartender says, “What, no drink for me this time?”
The drunk replies, “You!? No way! You get too violent when you drink.”
Two beggars in Mexico
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty. A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: ‘Young man. Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.’The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says ‘Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?