What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter… he won’t come to you anyway!
Author: admin
Creat of milk
A blond was walking across a field and found a crate full of cartons of milk,
She thought she had found a cows nest
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.
Billboards
Some new billboards are getting some attention in Dallas. Some
reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of them.
Here is a list of all variations of the “God Speaks” billboards. The
billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine
print or sponsoring organization is included.
Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game.
-God
C’mon over and bring the kids.
-God
What part of “Thou Shalt Not…” didn’t you understand?
-God
Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer.
-God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.
-God
That “Love Thy Neighbor” thing… I meant it.
-God
Will the road you’re on get you to my place?
-God
Big bang theory, you’ve got to be kidding.
-God
Need directions?
-God
You think it’s hot here?
-God
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test.
-God
Do you have any idea where you’re going?
-God
Don’t make me come down there.
-God
Question and answer Christmas joke
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!
Jeff Foxworthy in the Middle ages
You know you’re Castle Trash if……
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet
Your daughter’s chastity belt has rusted
You can’t afford a cod piece…………….nobody notices
You have more sheep dogs than sheep
You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have…
The plague improved your complexion………..but only for a little while
The Pope sends you to the Crusades………..in Norway
Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum
Your wife is stronger than your plow horse…but the horse is prettier
The grail you brought home has “made in China” printed on the bottom
Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom
You won “most improved ” at the tournament
They call your daughter made Marian
Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says “peace before discomfort”
Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son
Gay fag
Say this to your friend.
There are these two men in a car. Then they come up to a red light and stop. Then one of them says that light is going to turn green in 3 seconds. Then count to 3, 1, 2, 3, and the light turns green. Then the guy says how did you know that. The other guy says gay fags know everything.
Then they stop at another light and the guy says a bum will pop out of a trash can. Then they wait for a seconds and a bum pops out. Then the guy says how did you know that. The other guy says gay fags know everything.
Then say they pull up to a party and ring the _________ and if they say doorbell, then say gay fags know everything.
Having Children Is Like:
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain or, having children will turn you into your parents.
LIttle Johnny
One Friday afternoon little Johnny was sitting in his classroom
waiting for the beel to ring when the teacher said “Alright
class now comes the question of the week. Whoever can answer
this will get to go home early. The question is… What color
is the sky?”
One little kid raises his hand and says “Blue”
“No i’m sorry,thats not it”
Another kid says “Grey”
“Sorry thats not it either”
Another kid says “It blue and grey”
“Thats not it either. Well if no one else has an answer, its
black”
When little johnny got home he thought to himself “Man i wish i
could get that so i could get out of school” so he thought of a
plan the whole next week.
Next friday the teacher said”ok it time for the question of the
week.”
Just then little Johnny rolled two black balls to the front of
the classroom.
The teacher said “Alright, who’s the comedian with the black
balls?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says “Chris Rock,see you
monday”
Take no chances
The lawyer cabled his client overseas:
“Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?”
Back came the reply, “Take no chances – order all three.”
Pity the meek, for they
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Always Lost
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year — “62-63,” “63-64,” “64-65,” etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.
Turning to me, he said, “Isn’t it strange how the teams always lost by one point?”