Q: How many humans does it take to change a light bulb?A: Not sure; I only know it takes only one to press the button which obliterates them all. The problem is estimating how many thousand years will be required to rediscover the technology to manufacture more and replace them.
Author: admin
69 x 2
What’s 69 and 69?
Dinner for four.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
P.M.S.
Q: Why is President Clinton usually in a bad mood?
A: P.M.S.
Famous People and Chickens
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: for the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was historical inevitability.
Douglass Adams: 42.
Oliver North: National security was at stake.
Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees. Earnest
Hemmingway: To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein: It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.
Ronald Regan: I forget.
Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it f—–g wanted to. That’s the f—-g reason. Mark
Twain: The news of it’s crossing has been greatly exagerated.
Mr T: If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too.
NASA Mars Mission
NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I want to donate it all to my alma mater — Rice University.”
The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.
“Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”
En un examen de zoolog�a,
En un examen de zoolog�a, el profesor le entrega a pepito una pata de p�jaro y le dice:
“A la vista de esta extremidad, ha de decirme la familia, el g�nero y la especie del animal, as� como sus costumbres migratorias y el n�mero de cr�as por nidada.”
Y pepito le responde: “Pero, �c�mo le voy a decir todo eso con apenas ver una pata?”
El profesor le dice: “Est� usted reprobado. A ver, d�game su nombre y apellido jovencito.”
Y entonces Pepito se quita un zapato, le ense�a el pie desnudo al profesor y le dice: “A ver, adivine…”
Clinton & The Puppie
Bill Clinton was out jogging one morning, when he came to an apartment complex. Sitting outside on the steps was a cute little girl with a big box. As Bill jogged closer, he could see that the box was full of adorable puppies. He went to the little girl and said “Awww…those are the cutest puppies” The little girl said “These aren’t puppies. I call them Democrats.”Bill thought this was really sweet and said “Well, that’s so sweet!”A few days later, Hillary was jogging with Bill when they came to the same building with the little girl outside. The girl was still there with the box. Bill nudged Hillary and said “Watch this.”He asked the little girl, “What have you got there? Puppies?”The little girl shook her head and said “No, not puppies, I call them Republicans.”Bill was shocked. He said “But I thought you said they were Democrats???”The little girl said “Well, they were…but now they’ve got their eyes open!!”
how to
How do u get a black person to stop jumping on ur bed
put velcro on the ceiling
How do u get them down
Call three mexicans and tell them its a pinyada
The 2 Bums!
A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out… a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.
Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn’t shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, “What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!”
The other bum says, “Well, I dunno. Let me ask him –
HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?”
Cock Suckers
A large, menacing construction worker walks into a bar. He orders a beer,
chugs it back, and then bellows, “All you guys on this side of the bar are
cock suckers!” A sudden silence descends. After a moment, he asks, “Anyone
got a problem with that?” The silence lengthens.
He then chugs back another beer and growls, “And all you guys on this side
of the bar are mother fuckers!” Once again, the bar is silent. He looks
around belligerently and roars, “Anyone got a problem with that?”
A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards
the man. The construction worker looks the man square in the eye and says,
“You got a problem, buddy?”
“Um, no,” insists the man. “I’m just on the wrong side of the bar.”
Llega un tipo a la
Llega un tipo a la peluquer�a. Cuando le toca el turno, el Peluquero le pregunta “�c�mo le corto?”
El tipo le dice: “El flequillo un poco largo de este costado, la patilla izquierda corta, la derecha un poco m�s larga, la nuca bien rapada…”
“�Hooooo,” dice el peluquero, “este corte es para locos!”
“���As� me lo dejastes vos la �ltma vez concha de tu madre!!!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Reagan!Reagan who?Reagan maniac!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Reagan!Reagan who?Reagan maniac!