These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them then pulls out an
expensive looking pocket watch from his pocket to check the time.
“That’s a fine watch you got there!” says the other.
“Yeah it is, isn’t it? I got it from my grandfather,” says the guy with the
watch.
“Really?”
“Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed.”
Author: admin
Knock Knock 8
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alice!
Alice who?
I’m Alice chasing rainbows….!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alison!
Alison who?
Alison it’s dark outside!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Allan!
Allan who!
Allan-d of Manhattan!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Allegra!
Allegra who?
Allegra is broken!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alli!
Alli who?
Alligator, that’s who!
Una chica muy bonita se
Una chica muy bonita se presenta en un consultorio dental; la recepcionista la hace pasar con el estomat�logo. Luego de sentarse en el sill�n �ste le pregunta:
“�En qu� le puedo servir?”
La muchacha se sube la falda; se baja las pantaletas ;se vuelve a sentar y abre las piernas. At�nito, el facultativo sugiere:
“Se�orita, creo que usted con quien quiere pasar es con el ginec�logo”.
“�No, se�or, lo que yo quiero es que me saque la placa que un viejito me dej� trabada”.
The difference between yo mama…
the only difference between yo mama and shamoo is that shamoo can swim and yo mama CANT
Experiment on Elephant
One day three scientists were discussing what would happen if
they rammed a cork up an elephants ass and force fed it for 2
weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and
the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A
week after the experiment had started they began to realize
“WHY” the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone
to pull the cork out!!
One of the scientists came up with a bright idea of training a
monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to
pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for
another go. The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring
equipment and set out to a safe distance. The first scientist
went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third
went 3 miles away. When they were all ready the first scientist
pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
BAAAANNNNNGGGGG!!!!!
The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in
elephant shit. The second scientist (2 miles away) was up to his
knees. And the first scientist who was 1 mile away was up to his
waist in elephant shit. When the others joined the scientist who
was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.
“What in the world is so funny?” asked one of the scientists.
“You should have seen the monkey’s face trying to get the cork
back in!”
Q. What is black and brown and looks good…
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A Doberman.
Weater described by Readneck
The Weather:
— It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
— It’s been hitter�s a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.
— Wintry roads are said to be “slicker than otter snot.
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Magic Mirror
There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said “I think I am the thinnest person in the world.” and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror “I think I am the prettiest person in the world” and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said “I think…” and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.
Desire Matures
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.
In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!
Disney Court
Minnie is sitting in the chair and the Judge asks Mickey
“So…U say minnie is crazy?”
Mickey replies “No, I said shes fucking Goofy!”
The great wiener caper
One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the streets of New York, when
they decided that they were beginning to get sober. They checked their pockets
to see how much money they had on them. They were disappointed to only find
$1.25.
Finally after a period of deep and intense thought, one of the men got an
idea. He went to a hot dog stand, bought a hot dog, and went to a bar to begin
drinking. They did shot after shot, until the bartender told the two that if
they wanted any more drinks they better show him that they had some money to pay
for them. The man with the hot dog opened his zipper and put the wiener through
the opening. He had his friend get down and start sucking on it. The bartender
cursed them and made them leave. They went to bar after bar with this routine
until they were dog drunk. They staggered out into the streets, satisfied and
wasted.
“Man,” one of the drunks said, “I’ve got to admit, that hot dog trick worked
great.”
“Actually,” the second drunk said, “I ate the hot dog at the second bar!”