a blonde got ran over by a parked car
Author: admin
Iban dos compadres por la
Iban dos compadres por la calle y uno le dice al otro:
“Oye, tengo ganas de salir con Madonna otra vez”.
“�C�mo que otra vez?”, le pregunta, sorprendido, el otro.
“Es que ayer tambi�n tuve ganas”.
Macho Macho Man
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want – and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night – whether you’re here or not.”
The Top 11 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making…
The Top 11 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love
11. “Ahhh! Yoda’s little friend you seek!”
10. “Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must.”
9. “Feel the force!”
8. “Foreplay, cuddling – a Jedi craves not these things.”
7. “Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!”
6. “Do me or do me not-there is no try.”
5. “Early must I rise. Leave now you must!”
4. “Happens to every guy sometimes this does.”
3. “When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?”
2. “Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!”
1. “Who’s your Jedi master? Who’s your Jedi Master?”
Pussy Treats
A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store and slapped a
package on the counter, and loudly expressed her
dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t
your cat eat them?” The woman’s eyes got very large, and
whispered, “Do you mean to tell me that ‘Pussy Treats’ are meant
for cats?”
How do you get a
How do you get a nun pregnant?
– Dress her up as an altar boy.
Commonality In Sexes
What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.
Scientists and the Mermaid!
These three scientists decided to go fishing one day. So they packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.
They were having terrible luck, they weren’t catching a thing. But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, “I got something, I got something!”
So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it’s a Mermaid. She tells the scientists, “If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish.” Well they think that’s a pretty good deal, so they agree.
The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, “I want you to double my IQ.” The Mermaid says, no problem. Snaps her fingers, and suddenly he’s solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.
So the next scientist thinks that’s pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, “I want you to tripple my IQ.” So the Mermaid says, “No problem.” snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is finding cures for AIDS and Cancer.
So the last scientist is really excited about all of this. He tells the Mermaid, “I want you to quadruple my IQ.”
The Mermaid looks at him and says, “Are you sure about this? I’m not so sure you want to do that.” But the scientist is stubborn and tells her, “You granted the other guys wishes, now grant mine or we’re not letting you go.”
So the Mermaid sighs and says, “Whatever you want.”
She snaps her fingers and the scientist turned into a woman.
old king cole
old king cole was a merry old soul
and a merry old soul was he
cos he had a dick that was three inches thick
and it hung down to his knee
Martian sex
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough air points.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, and all things about how they make money.
Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. ‘Just how do you guys do it?’ asks Maureen.
‘Pretty much the way you do,’ responds the Martian woman.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom, where the Martian strips.
He’s got a teeny, weeny member about 2 cm long and 1 cm thick.
`I don’t think this is going to work,’ says Maureen.
‘Why?’ he asks, ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Well.’ she replies. ‘it’s just not long enough to reach me!’
‘No problem,’ he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long.
‘Well,’ she says, ‘that’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow.’
‘No problem,’ he says and starts pulling his ears. With each pull his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
‘Wow!’ she exclaims, and they fell into bed and make mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks Maureen, ‘Well, was it any good?’
‘I hate to say it,’ says Maureen, ‘but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?’
‘It was horrible,’ he replies. ‘All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.’
Golfing with Doc…
I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day.
He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway.
My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.
I asked him for help, and he offered to give me a physical to see if he could determine the problem.
Sure enough, he said that I had three times the “normal length” of the average male, which caused an anomaly in my swing that caused me to hook.
I asked him to help me, and he agreed to do surgery — provided that I didn’t play golf for four weeks. I agreed. Golf is just that important to me.
Four weeks later, new body and all, I teed off on the first hole and drove the ball 270 yards right down the middle. Feeling elated, I thanked the doctor.
Then I asked him what had become of the “rest” of me.
He just smiled, teed his ball, then hit it…
and watched it duck hook two fairways away…
POWs
There were these three prisoners in a German POW camp, and they were Australian, American, and Irish. The commandant was a real mean prick and he was going to shoot his three captives unless their combined dick length was in excess of 20 inches.So the three POWs have their cocks measured and it turned out their combined dick length was 20 inches exactly, so they were spared.Later on the three were talking, and the Australian said “Well if it wasn’t for my 10 inch dick we’d all be dead.”The American says “Na, if it wasn’t for my 8 inch dick then we’d all be dead.”Then the Irishman says “If I didn’t have a hard on, we’d all be dead.”