More gems paraphrased from Kermit Schafer’s delightful book
“Blunderful World of Bloopers.”
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Heaven or the other: Visitor to London – I find the city truly
incredible, especially Westminster Abbey. I thought I was in
Heaven until I turned and saw my wife beside me.
Go for it: I a comedy skit, the actress playing the wife was
trying to get the car keys from her “husband’s” pants pocket
while his hands were tied. Her line at this point was, “Gee,
going into your pants pocket like this makes me feels a little
silly.” The actor “husband” quickly quipped, “Go a little lower
and you’ll feel nuts!”
Repeat that again: A youth-orientated football contest featured
a “Pass, Punt and Kick” event. However, one announcer fumbled it
into….”Now it’s time for the annual Pack, Piss and Kunt
exibition.”
Bon Voyage: Female announcer – I was almost late for the
broadcast. I went to see my Uncle Jack off on the Queen Mary.”
New Sport: An anchorman meant to ask the sports director how the
World Cup Soccer team was doing, but blurted, “How’s the World
Cock Sucker team doing?”
Newscaster disaster: The accidental ommission of a letter in a
news wire story resulted in this embarassing error – “After her
appearance in movies, the distinguished actress indicated that
she preferred appearing in stag plays.”
Pucker up: During a hockey game, the sportscaster became excited
and blurted, “Now Orr catches the puck and rams it between the
girlies legs to score…..of course that was the goalie!”
Better lather than never: Pick up a bar of deodorant soap for
’round the cock protection!”
Feeling kilty:
Emcee – What is a sporran?
Contestant – It’s that thing covered with hair that hangs down
between a Scotsman’s legs.
Holy moly: An evangelist was instructing the congregation from
text taken from 2nd Peter. As he reached into his pocket to get
his glasses, he jolted the parishoners with the statement, “Let
us turn to the book of 2nd Glasses while I take out my peter.”