There are 3 girls in the third grade, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.
Who has the best figure?
The blonde. She’s 19.
Author: admin
San Viernes divino San
San Viernes divino
San Viernes amado
cuida mi intestino
el grueso y delgado.
Protege mi p�ncreas
beba lo que beba
que no sea esta noche
mi �ltima peda.
Mi h�gado encomiendo
a tu Santa mano,
y lo que estoy bebiendo
lo orine sin da�o.
Permite que no
se nuble mi vista
porque despu�s de unos pistos
me caigo en la pista
Que al pagar la cuenta
cuides mucho mi dinero
porque tengo unos amigos
que no dan ni pa’l mesero.
Y al salir del bar
No me desampares
por que si manejo pedo
me parto la madre.
Perm�teme ver
la luz al otro d�a,
pero sin que me hayan
dejado tirado en la esquina.
L�brame de cruda
diarrea y jaqueca,
qu�tame la agrura
y la boca reseca.
Perm�teme concentrar
mi ruta y camino
porque luego no recuerdo
ni donde me orino.
San viernes bendito te invoco a mi lado
que por el chiquito no evacue aguado.
Que as� sea.
Esta novena es milagrosa,
�SALUD! �HIP!
Three guys come up to
Three guys come up to your car a black man, a Mexican man, and a Chinese
man. All three of these men are ready to jump you, but you only have two
bullets in your gun.
Who do you shoot?
The black man twice.
Call the Vet
A veterinarian had had a really rough day at his office. When he finally got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 1:00 in the morning, the phone rang. “Is this the vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice. “Yes, it is”, replied the vet,out of breath “Is this an emergency?”
“Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady, “there’s cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied “Open the window and yell that they are wanted on the phone”
“Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that will that stop them?”
“Should do,” said the vet, ” “IT JUST STOPPED ME!”
Neil Armstrong True Story
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only said his famous “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks – usual communication traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut; however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs. Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant.
On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded.
It seems that Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question: “When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with my brother in the backyard. He had hit a fly ball which landed in front of my neighbors’ bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, “Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”
True fact.
Leroy is an 18 year old ninth grader who is…
Leroy is an 18 year old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly
disillusioned with the public school system. One day, Leroy got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following vocabulary words in a sentence. Here’s what he wrote.
1. HOTEL – I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the HOTEL everybody.
2. RECTUM – I had two Cadillacs, but my ol’ lady RECTUM both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT – My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE – If I pay alimony this month, I’ll have no money FORCLOSE.
5. CATACOMB – Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody give that CATACOMB.
6. PENIS – I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said PENIS.
7. ISRAEL – Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.
8. UNDERMINE – There is a fine lookin’ hoe livin’ in the apartment UNDERMINE.
9. TRIPOLI – I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn’t find no TRIPOLI.
10. STAIN – My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN for dinner again.
11. SELDOM – My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I SELDOM.
12. ODYSSEY – I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on this hoe.
13. HORDE – My sister got into trouble because she HORDE around in school.
14. INCOME – I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME my wife.
15. HONOR – At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be HONOR first?
16. FORTIFY – I axed da hoe how much? And she say FORTIFY.
Women’s/Men’s English
Women’s English:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.] Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
I’m not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole.
==========================================================
Men’s English:
“I’m hungry” = I’m hungry.
“I’m sleepy” = I’m sleepy.
“I’m tired” = I’m tired.
“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with
you.
“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with
you.
“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“Nice dress!” = Nice cleavage!
“You look tense, let me give you a massage.” = I want to fondle you.
“What’s wrong?” = I don’t see why your making such a big deal about this.
“What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
“What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
“I’m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?
“I love you.” = Let’s have sex now.
“I love you, too.” = Okay, I said it… we’d better have sex now!
“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = I liked it better before.
“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
“Let’s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.
“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) “I like that one better.” = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!
“I don’t think that blouse and that skirt go well together.” = I am gay.
Kiss Me, Doc!
A woman is in her doctor’s office, and suddenly shouts out “Doctor, kiss me!”The Doctor looks at her and says “It’s against the code of ethics to kiss you.”About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out “Doctor, please, kiss me just once!”Again he refuses, apologetically, and says “As a doctor I simply cannot kiss you.”Finally, another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with her doctor; “Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!””Look” he says, “I am sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be screwing you.”
You ever called your sister
You ever called your sister “Mom” and didn’t have to correct yourself.The directions to your bathroom include, “Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed.”You’re in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
Stiff At Last
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife…..cold as ever”Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: “Here lies my husband…..stiff at last”
I’m Done For
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, “I’m done for.”
There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: “No you’re NOT! Pick up that stone in front of you and hit the chief on the head!”
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to kill the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the lifeless body. Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: “Okay… NOW you’re done for!”
Souls of Americans
“I think we’re making progress. We understand where the power of this country
lay. It lays in the hearts and souls of Americans. It must lay in our
pocketbooks. It lays in the willingness for people to work hard. But as
importantly, it lays in the fact that we’ve got citizens from all walks of life,
all political parties, that are willing to say, I want to love my neighbor. I
want to make somebody’s life just a little bit better.” �George W. Bush, April
11, 2001