A woman went to her plastic surgeon and asked him about what she should do about the saggy skin on her face. HE told her that he would put a nob in the back of her head that would tighten her skin if she turned it. He warned her of the consequences of using the nob to much. She agrred and had the surgery. Weeks passed and she went back to visit the surgeon with another problem.”Doctor,” she said.”What should i do about the bags under my eyes?” “Those aren’t bags under eyes those are your boobs!” replied the doctor.”Oh,” she said.”Well then i guess that would explain the Gotee!”
Author: admin
Fascinating Little Johnny!
A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.'”
Sally raised her hand and said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.'”
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said loudly, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons.”
The teacher said, “That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word ‘fascinate’ in your sentence.”
Little Johnny continued, “But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!”
God-awful Pickup Line
Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can definitely see myself in your
pants tonight.
Gay Bar
Q. What do you call a gay bar with no barstools?
A. A fruit stand
4 Legs?
Q: What has four legs and no ears?
A: Mike Tyson’s dog.
A Little Squeeze
Henry and his over-developed wife were sitting in the stands waiting for the
football game to begin. A friend walked over, said, “Hello Henry,” gave Henry’s
wife’s breast a little squeeze and walked away.
A few minutes later another guy walked over, said, “Hello Henry,” then, he
too, fondled his wife’s breasts and walked on.
This strange sequence of events went on for some time.
Finally a man sitting next to Henry spoke up, “Listen pal, It’s none of my
business, but isn’t it a little odd that at least twelve guys came by, said
hello to you then grabbed your wife by the breast? What’s the story?”
Henry looked at him and moaned, ” What can I do? If I leave her at home, she
sleeps with everybody!”
What Men Prefer
Why do men prefer women with big tits and tight pussies?
Because most men have big mouths and little dicks.
Crib
Observing the baby one night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
‘Twas The Night Before Impeachment
By Chris Duel
‘Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House,
All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse.
The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.
The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
While visions of perjury danced in their heads.
And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
Had just settled in for a long evening’s nap.
When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.
With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!
More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let’s forget about The Vixen!
On Barney! On Maxine! I’m no Richard Nixon!!!”
“From Capitol Hill to the Washington Mall,
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!!!”
And then the Republicans heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As they scratched their heads and were turning around
The resilient Saint Willie scored another rebound.
No longer was he eating from his humble pie,
While assaulting Saddam with his bombs from the sky.
A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq,
It looked once again like Slick Willie was back.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair on his head was as white as the snow.
The stump of a stogie, he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump – a right jolly old elf,
And the Republicans wept, in spite of themselves.
And a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave them to know they had something to dread.
He spoke the right words and went straight to his work
Hard to believe that an Intern once called him “The Jerk.”
And shaking his finger and thumbing his nose,
By “Wagging The Dog,” up the polls he rose.
He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle,
Then they cheered-on Slick Willie as he launched another missile.
They all heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight,
“Happy Ramadan to all, and to all a good night.”
Pope goes to Heaven
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages.
After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent “Easy Reading” to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, “An ‘R’! They left out the ‘R’.”
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, “It’s the letter ‘R’ … the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!”
Dos yernos se encuentran y
Dos yernos se encuentran y uno de ellos llora desmedidamente:
“�Por qu� lloras?”, pregunta el otro.
“Llev� a mi suegra al medico, tiene cancer y dice que s�lo le quedan 30 d�as de vida… snif… snif…
“Tranquilo, t�malo con calma concu�o, treinta d�as pasan pronto.”
Incredible disease
“We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation
that suffers from incredible disease.” �George W. Bush, at a news conference in
Europe, June 14, 2001