BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: admin
At any level of traffic,
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
YOUR MAMA IS SO FAT…….
YOUR MAMA IS SO FAT….
* When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
* When she dances she makes the band skip.
* When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her
13 years to live.
* She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
* Her ass has its own congressman.
* Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
* When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
* Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
* Her driver’s license says “Picture continued on other side.”
* The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
* “Place Your Ad Here” is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
* All the restaurants in town have signs that say: Maximum Occupancy: 240
Patrons OR Yo Mama”
* When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
* When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
* She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
* She’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
* When I yell “Kool-Aid,” she comes crashing through the wall.
* She could sell shade.
* When she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
* People jog around her for exercise.
* She gets runs in her jeans.
* Her blood type is Ragu.
* When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an
estimate.
* If she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
* She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
* When she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
* She can’t even jump to a conclusion.
* She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
* Her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
Which is heavier?
Which is heavier, 20 pounds of rocks or 20 pounds of sugar?
Their both 20 pounds! doy!
A man walked
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Un avi�n se pega tal
Un avi�n se pega tal trompazo que por all� no aparece ni la caja negra. Milagrosamente, entre los restos del aparato encuentran a un orangut�n algo atontado, pero vivito y coleando.
Como no se puede hacer otra cosa, con ayuda de un int�rprete de simiesqu�s, los expertos se ponen a interrogarle:
“�Y qu� hac�a durante el accidente el piloto?”
“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….”
“�Y el copiloto? �Y las azafatas?”
“�ACA, �ACA, �ACA…”
“Y t�, �qu� hac�as mientras?”
Y el mono, extendiendo ambos brazos al frente contesta:
“BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…”
Estaba Pepito en el sal�n
Estaba Pepito en el sal�n de clases cuando entra el inspector de la Secretar�a de Educaci�n y dice a la profesora que desea observar el desarrollo de la clase, y se sienta en una silla vac�a, justo ATRAS de Pepito. La profesora contin�a su clase:
“A ver Juanito �a qui�n se le conoce como el Padre de la Patria, iniciador de la independencia de M�xico?”
“A Miguel Hidalgo, profesora.”
Asi contin�a haciendo preguntas y el inspector nota que la profesora omite hacer preguntas a Pepito, por lo que discretamente se lo se�ala con el dedo para que lo haga participar. La profesora, un poco nerviosa porque no quiere que Pepito salga con una de sus vulgaridades, le prepara cuidadosamente una pregunta:
“A ver, Pepito, recuerdas la clase de ayer en la que platicamos la historia del Himno Nacional.”
“Claro que me acuerdo profesora.”
“�Recuerdas qu� le dijo el Sr. Francisco Gonzalez Bocanegra a su esposa cuando esta le pidi� que �l escribiera el Himno Nacional?, eso lo comentamos ayer Pepito.”
“S� profesora… lo tengo en la punta de la lengua…”
Mientras la profesora esperaba la respuesta, nerviosamente jugaba con un l�piz que acab� por ca�rsele al suelo. Al inclinarse a recogerlo mostr� todos sus lindos atributos f�sicos. Entonces Pepito continu�…
“�Ya me acord�! El tipo ese dijo: �Qu� buenas nalgas tienes mamacita!”
La profesora, molesta por la respuesta, le pide a Pepito que salga del sal�n.
Pepito, muy serio, recoge sus cuadernos y libros e indignado voltea hacia el inspector y le dice:
“�Ya vez pendejo, si no sabes para que soplas!”
“I have a dilexic friend named “Bob” he spelles…
“I have a dilexic friend named “Bob” he spelles his name “boB”. And when he gets in trouble he diales “119”
“One time I was with “boB” he told me that the other friend I was with looked like a owl….I got upset, and told him that I was going to let my other friend know what he said. So I go over to my other friend and say, “My other friend said that you look like a owl!!” You know what he said to me? Whooo!!!!
What’s black, brown, and looks
What’s black, brown, and looks good on an [ethnic]?
A Doberman
Face Lift
A women goes in for a face lift but doesnt want to have surgery. The doctor says there is a new precedure were they put a little screw in your head and everytime you see a wrinkle you just turn it to puul your skin up. The women gets the precedure. About a year later she comes back and complains about the bags under eyes. the doctor says lady those arent bags those are your boobs and if you dont leave that screw alon your gonna have a beard.
Story of a conductor
He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven�s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.
Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?…
Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blonde electrician.