There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
Author: admin
Be Careful What You Teach Your Kids
A kid is walking around his house when he sees his dad watching a football game. The team his dad wants to win is losing, so out of anger, he yells, “C’MON YOU BASTARDS, JUST SCORE A TOUCHDOWN!!”
The kid doesn’t know what bastards are, so he says, “Daddy, what does bastards mean?”
His dad didn’t want to admit to his son that he had cursed, so he said, “Umm, it means, umm, uh, boys. Yeah, it means boys.
Then he walks into the room across the hall and sees his mom watching women’s basketball. His mom’s team is losing, so she says, “C’MON YOU BITCHES, JUST SCORE A BASKET!!”
The kid doesn’t know what that means either, so he says, “Mommy, what does bitches mean?”
The mom says, “Umm, it means, umm, uh, girls. Yeah, that’s what it means, girls.”
So the next day, the kid’s dad walks in from work and puts his coat on a coat rack. Because of his stupidity, the kid’s dad pokes his eye on the coat rack and yells, “OH DICK!!”
The kid comes up to his dad and says, “Daddy, what does dick mean?”
The dad says, It means, umm, uh, coat. Yeah, it means coat.
So then the kid walks into the kitchen where his mom is painting. She accidentally leans over her painting too far, and her hat falls off her head and gets smothered with paint. She yells, “OH PUSSY!!”
The kid says, “Mommy, what does pussy mean?”
The mom says, “umm, it means, uhh, umm, hat. Yeah, that’s what it means, hat.”
So then, the kid walks upstairs to his parents room, where his dad is taking a shower. But his dad accidentally slips on a bar of soap and yells, “OH SCREW!!”
The kid walks up to him and says, “Daddy, what does screw mean?”
The dad says, “Umm, uh, it means, uhh, cleaning. Yeah, cleaning.”
So then he walks downstairs and sees his mom cutting turkey for dinner that night. She accidentally cuts herself and yells, “OH FUCK!!”
The kid says, “Mommy, what does fuck mean?”
His mom says, “It means, umm, uh, cutting. Yeah, cutting.”
So then some friends come over for dinner. The kid opens the door and says, “Welcome bitches and bastards. May I take your dicks and pussys? If you’d like to see my parents, my dad is upstairs screwing himself and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”
What do you say…
what do you say when you see a tv floating in the middle of the night? Freeze niger!
Q. What did the
Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got
laid a minute ago.”
“Anheuser” Bush
Jenna Bush was caught trying to buy a drink in Austin with a fake ID. It’s her
second alcohol incident in a month. She must be extra careful from now on,
because under federal law, it’s Three Strikes and You’re President.”
The sin of drink
A young businessman was seated next to an elderly priest on an airplane. Having a minor technical problem at the gate and the flight being delayed, the Captain apologized and announced that the airline would be buying a free round of drinks. When the charming and very attractive flight attendant came by, the businessman ordered a double scotch. Then she asked the priest if he would like a drink. ”Oh, no thank you,” replied the priest. ”I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol.” Halting in mid-swallow and dribbling scotch down his front, the businessman quickly replaced his drink on the beverage cart and replied, ”Excuse me, miss, I didn’t know I had a choice.”
One Hundred Orgasms
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row !!
Blonde: That’s nothing; last night I had over hundred.
Brunette: My god ! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) oh, you meant with one guy. . .
Un se�or viene tranquilo con
Un se�or viene tranquilo con su auto, y lo estaciona justo en la puerta de la casa de gobierno. Uno de los granaderos que se encuentran en la puerta se dirije al se�or que conduc�a el autom�vil, justo en el momento en que �ste se bajaba del auto y lo cerraba con llave para dejarlo estacionado, y con mucha diplomacia le dice:
“Se�or, le recomiendo que retire el auto de aqu� porque en cualquier momento sale el se�or Presidente.”
Y el due�o le responde:
“�No se preocupe, buen hombre, yo no tengo est�reo!”
Yo mama’s So Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, that when she wears a yellow rain jacket, people think she’s
a taxi cab.
Lawsuit Happy
After all the recent frivolous lawsuits flying around, suing restaurants for spilling coffee, gun manufacturers for murders, tobacco companies for cancer deaths, etc, it makes sense for there to be a class-action suit against Hustler magazine for causing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
You�re so ugly that words
You�re so ugly that words cant explain your face. So I will just go throw up.
Q: How many armies does
Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb?A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.