Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Three: One to turn up the day before when you’re out, one to change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of bulb.
Author: admin
Can I Buy That TV?
A blonde walks into a pawn shop and says “can i buy that t.v”. The cashier says I dont serve blondes. So the blonde goes home and dyes her hair red. She comes back the next day and asked the same question. The cashier again says we dont serve blondes. So she goes home and dyes her hair brown. The same thing happened the next day. She is so ticked off that she says “how the heck do you know i am a blonde?” and the cashier replies “because thats not a t.v its a microwave!”
Just when you think you’ve
Just when you think you’ve won the rat race, along come faster rats.
Another Dumb Viagra Joke
What happens when you give Viagra to a Lawyer? He gets taller!
Your Mama
Your mama’s soo ugly, even the dog won’t fuck her!
Your mama has so little sex, she can’t even find her pussy any more!
When you were born the Lord siad to your mother, “oh no not another one!”
Your mama’s so deperate she uses inflatable women!
News: Ship Ahoy!
Real life news article:A Danish man set off a real-life sea rescue mission while playing with toy boats in his bathtub. The drunken 52-year- old called in repeated mayday alarms to the Maritime Sea Rescue Command as he piloted his water toys, claiming he was captain of a 12-crew freighter in distress. Giving a position west of the Baltic Sea island of Bornholm, which belongs to Denmark, he said his vessell was listing 45 degrees and that one crew member had been washed overboard. Authorities sent two rescue vessels to search the area for 90 minutes before police eventually traced the phone calls to the home of the intoxicated man, who admitted the false alarm.
A coup that is known
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
Headline – read all about it!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
John Hopkins Medical Center is reporting an unusual occurrence in the Obstetrics department:
A child was born with both male and female organs.
A penis and a brain!
Erudite Limerick
I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame
To Cleopatra I straightway laid claim
Ahead of my legions
I invaded her regions
I saw, I conquered, I came!
Un fulano va en un
Un fulano va en un carro por la ciudad y decide darle jal�n (avent�n, o “ride”) a un mengano.
Van los dos, cuando de repente al llegar a un sem�foro que cambiaba de amarillo a rojo, el fulano le mete al acelerador y pasa a toda velocidad en el cruce de calles.
“��Pero est�s loco!?”, le dice el mengano. “�Nos vamos a matar!”.
“Es que un amigo m�o me ense�� este truco”, le dice el fulano tranquilamente.
Y as� vuelve a ocurrir lo mismo en los siguientes 5 sem�foros. Por supuesto que el mengano iba con el coraz�n en la garganta. Hasta que por fin llegan a uno que les da luz verde.
Repentinamente, el fulano pega un frenazo intempestivo y brusco.
“Bueno, �y bien? �No vas a pasar con luz verde como Dios manda?”, le dice el mengano.
Y contesta el fulano: “No, porque no vaya a ser que por ah� se vaya a atravesar mi amigo”.
Tired On 1 April
Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?
Because they had just finished a 31 day March!
The Enchanted Snake
It was spring in the old west.
The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.
As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.
“Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot- I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”
The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”
The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.
He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted…
“Oh My God… I was riding the MARE!