Author: admin

For Cat Lovers.

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An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won’t feed you fast enough.

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.

Cats don’t hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don’t, so that’s all right.

Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Cats know what we feel. They don’t care, but they know.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a cat.

One cat just leads to another.

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.

You can always tell a cat, but you can’t tell him much.

Dos ladrones de Tontilandia fueron

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Dos ladrones de Tontilandia fueron a asaltar un banco. Encerraron a todo el mundo en un ba�o y se fueron directos a la sala de los cofres de seguridad.

All� Manolo forz� la cerradura del primero, y al abrirlo exclam�:

“Joaqu�n, ven ac�. Este cofre no tiene dinero. Est� lleno de yogur.”

Joaqu�n respondi�:

“Bueno, si lo guardaron aqu� debe ser un yogur muy bueno, pues com�moslo todo, joder.”

Despu�s de comerlo todo, Manuel parti� para forzar el segundo cofre.

“�Yogurt de nuevo! �Y ahora Joaqu�n?”

“Y bueno Manuel, com�moslo tambi�n.”

Y los dos comieron hasta que no aguantaron m�s, entonces Manuel fue hacia el tercer cofre y lo abri�.

“�Putas que lo pari�.! �Yogur de nuevo! �Joaqu�n, a que porquer�a de banco me has tra�do, que solo tienen yogur!”

“Manuel… pues ah� bien claro lo dice “BANCO DE ESPERMA.”

The Barber

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The Barber

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got
his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No
charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer
books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He
then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider
it a service to the community.”

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and
a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked
how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a
service to the country.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators
in front of the door.

WARNING: New Virus Alert!

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*** VIRUS ALERT ***

If you receive an email entitled “Fighting Canaries,” delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator’s coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law’s number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change theinterpretations of key sentences.

If the “Badtimes” message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection…

Can't Reach the

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An elderly Rabbi is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.After watching the boys efforts for some time, the Rabbi moves closer to the boy’s position.He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.Crouching down to the child’s level, the Rabbi smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”