How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped.
Author: admin
George W. Bush, at the Summit of the Americas in Q
“It’s very important for folks to understand that when there’s more trade,
there’s more commerce.” �George W. Bush, at the Summit of the Americas in Quebec
City, April 21, 2001
YOU KNOW NO ONE LOVES YOU IF…
– The pet cat got better food than you did.
– Your parents told you about strange men giving away sweets and to go and
find as many of them as possible.
– You play “hide & seek” with your Mother and she hides in another town.
– Your parents take you to an orphanage and tell you to mingle.
– Your parents told you about the magic money box in the cupboard where you
can hide your pocket money, and – you’ve since found out it was the coin-op
electric meter.
– You had to share your sandbox with the cat.
– You always got your weekly allowance in Traveler’s Checks.
– Your folks threw a “going-into-the-Army” party when you were only three
years old.
– You run away, and the family can’t give the Police an accurate description.
– You kept getting left beside the monkey enclosure at the zoo.
– You were always stood-up at the Father-Son banquet held at the local
Church.
– Kidnappers send back a piece of your ear and your parents demand more
proof before they pay any ransom.
– When you were born, your Father gave out old cigar butts.
– Your parents encourage you to fish in shark infested waters.
– As a baby, your Father threw you in the air and walked away.
– You find out your Mother is nursing another baby on the side.
– Your tub toys included a toaster shaped like a rubber duck.
Corporate exercise program
The company has discontinued all physical fitness programs since everyone gets enough exercise by:-jumping to conclusions,flying off the handle,beating around the bush,running down the boss,going around in circles,dragging their feet,dodging responsibility,passing the buck,climbing the ladder,wading through paperwork,pulling strings,shooting the breeze,throwing their weight around,stretching the truth,bending the rules,pushing their luck,screwing around,shuffling papers,and playing hide and seek.
A Cab Driver Goes To Heaven
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.
A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher’s entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”
The preacher is astonished and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby.”
St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: “Here we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.”
Primer acto: 10 viejitos haciendo
Primer acto: 10 viejitos haciendo parar una micro, la micro no les para.
Segundo acto: 50 viejitos haciendo parar una micro, la micro tampoco para.
Tercer acto: 100 viejitos haciendo parar una micro y la misma historia.
�C�mo se llama la pel�cula?
A los viejos no se les para.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
Because it’s the scenter.
Q: Why is a dog’s nose in the middle of its face?
A: Because it’s the scenter.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Jagger!Jagger who!Jagger’d edge!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Jagger!Jagger who!Jagger’d edge!
Chief Lewinsky
What do you get when you put Monica Lewinsky and Chief Geronamo in
a car?
A blown Ingine!
Pepillo necesitaba una sierra para
Pepillo necesitaba una sierra para cortar algunos �rboles en su traspatio. Va a una tienda especializada y pide ver varias sierras. El vendedor le dice, “Mire, tengo infinidad de modelos, pero le aconsejo que se evite problemas y compre la mejor. Esta sierra de cadena es capaz de cortar cientos de �rboles en un d�a.”
As� que Pepillo compra la sierra de cadena y empieza a trabajar en los �rboles. Tras varias horas s�lo hab�a logrado cortar un �rbol, as� que piensa que algo anda mal con la sierra, pero decide darle otra oportunidad al d�a siguiente.
Pepillo se levanta a las 4 de la madrugada y empieza a cortar y cortar, y sigue cortando hasta la noche, pero s�lo consigue cortar tres �rboles.
Al d�a siguiente lleva la sierra al vendedor en la tienda especializada y le explica su problema. El vendedor, sorprendido por la reclamaci�n, saca la sierra de la caja. Despu�s de examinarla, dice, “Hmm, parece estar bien.” Entonces el vendedor enciende la sierra, a lo que Pepillo responde, “�Qu� es ese ruido?”
Prom Night
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. “Suzie wants to go out to my car. She’s really hot,” one boy said. “I’m really nervous. I know I’ll goof up!””Take it easy,” his friend assured him. “All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You’ll have her in the palm of your hand.”About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.”Shit, man! What happened to you?!” his buddy asked.”I took your advice.””Didn’t you compliment her?””Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too.””It sounds like you were doing great,” his friend said.”Well,” the other answered, “that’s when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I paid her another compliment.” “What did you say?” “For such a large snatch, it sure doesn’t stink much.”