Author: admin

Una vez a un tigre

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Una vez a un tigre lo castigraron y no le dieron de comer, mientras que el burro se banqueteaba, entonces el tigre le dijo al burro: “Dame un poco de tu comida”.

Y el burro le dijo “no”, entonces el tigre le dijo: “Esta tarde trae a tu pandilla y yo a la mia.”

Lleg� la tarde y estuvieron las dos manadas para pelear. El Jefe de los tigres dijo:

“Tigres, saquen las garras y ataquen.”

El jefe de los burros dijo:

“Burros, saquen la pinga y ataquen.”

Entonces el jefe de los tigre dijo:

“�Tigres, cierren el culo y escapen!”

In a Tacoma, Washington men’s

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In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store: “15 men’s wool suits, $10. They won’t last an hour!”On a shopping mall marquee: “Archery Tournament-Ears pierced”Outside a country shop: “We buy junk and sell antiques.”In the window of an Oregon store: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”In a Maine restaurant: “Open 7 days a week and weekends.”

Sleepover rules

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A man is driving, when suddenly his car breaks down. So he walks and walks until he comes to a farm house.

He knocks on the door, and a women answered. He asked the women if he can spend the night because his car broke down.

The women says, “You may stay here, but I have 3 rules you must follow.”

He says he will follow them.

The women says that he would have to stay in the laundry room.

So he lays down, but there was a pair of pants hanging in his way, so he pulls them down.

A few moments later the women comes into the room and says, ” You have broken my 1st rule!”

So he now is led to a barn where he may sleep. As soon as he lays down… a donkey waves its tail in his face, so the man slaps it.

Then the women enters the barn and says, “You have broken my 2nd rule!”.

Then he was led to an area near a fence. When he laid down there was a cat pacing on the fence so the man shaves it.

About 5 minutes later the women comes out to the fence and says,” You have broken my 3rd rule! I have called the cops, and they are on there way over.”

So the man asked what he did wrong.

She didn’t have time to answer before the cops arrive.

A cop comes over and asks, “Whats the problem miss?”

She replies,”This man pulled down my pants, spanked my ass, and shaved my pussy!”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis

Fish & Game

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A young couple once rented a cabin near a lake for a vacation.
He liked to fish, and her favorite pastime was reading. One
morning, the husband rose early and took the boat out on the
lake. He returned around noon, and went to the cabin for a nap.
The wife looked at the little boat and thought it might be nice
to read her book on the water. Though she knew nothing about
boats, she managed to row into a nice, calm area of the lake and
settled down to read.

After a short time the Game Warden motored up in his boat and
asked her what she was doing. Although she thought it was
obvious, she responded, “I’m reading a book.”

“You’re in a restricted fishing area, I’ll need to take you in
and write you up for this”, he said.

Astounded, she argued, “But I’m not fishing. You saw me here,
reading my book!”

“But you have all the necessary equipment,” he said, pointing
out the poles, nets, and bait her husband had left in the boat,
“so I’m going to cite you for fishing in a restricted area.”

“Then I will press charges on you for rape”, she said.

“Rape!? I haven’t touched you!”

“No,” she said, “but you have all the necessary equipment.”

Picking Personal Hell

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A man died and went to hell. Upon arrival he met with the CDIC (Chief Devil in Charge).

Devil: We run things a bit differently nowadays, you get to pick your own personal hell.
Man: That’s not so bad, whatcha got?

Devil: Well, I’m going to open a series of doors, look inside, assess the situation and then tell me if that’s where you want to spend eternity.
Man: OK.

The devil opens the first door and there’s a room of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor.

Man: Ouch, that seems painful. It’s not for me, what’s next.

The devil opens the next door to reveal the same situation, only on concrete floors.

Man: That looks worse, got anything left.

The devil opens the third door to reveal a room full of people standing knee deep in shit drinking coffee.

Man: Well, the shit smells but I could stand the smell and drink coffee all day. I’ll take this one.
Devil: Are you sure this is the one you want?
Man: Absolutely!

The devil then escorts him in the room shuts and locks the door. As soon as the door closes, a whistle blows and a loud speaker says – “Alright, coffee break is over, back on your heads!”

The ventriloquist

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A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next show. He stopped at a farmhouse and approached the farmer who lived there. “Hello there, Mr. Farmer, I was just passing by and I was wondering if I might speak to your dog.”The farmer replied, “Well, you know, dogs don’t talk.”The ventriloquist said, “You’d be surprised what a dog might tell you. Can I speak with him?”The farmer, eyeing the ventriloquist suspiciously, called his dog.”Hi there, Mr. dog,” said the ventriloquist. “How does the farmer treat you?” To which the dog replied, “Oh, he’s great! He throws a stick for me, scratches my belly, and I just love him!!”Needless to say, the farmer was dumfounded. Wanting to see if he could fool the farmer again, the ventriloquist asked if he could speak with the farmer’s horse.”Well, you know, horses don’t talk.”Again the ventriloquist said, “You’d be surprised what a horse might tell you.” So the farmer brought out his horse. “Say, Mr. Horse, how does the farmer treat you?” asked the ventriloquist. The horse then replied, “Oh, I think he’s great. He feeds me oats, he puts a blanket over me at night, and I just love him!”Again the farmer was amazed. Wanting to try his luck a third time, the ventriloquist said, “Mr. Farmer, would you like to hear what the sheep has to say about you?””Well,” declared the farmer, “Sheep lie, ya’ know.”

“then go f*** yourself”

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A kentucky family took a vacation to new york city. for an adventure, the
father took his son to see a skyscraper. they were amazed by everything they saw
— especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.
the boy asked, “what’s that there, paw?”
the father responded, “well, son, i reckon i never did see nothing like this
in my entire life. i got no darned idea what it is!”
while the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old
lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. the
walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. the walls
closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the
walls light up. they continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse
direction. the walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped
out.
the father turned to his son and said, “go get your maw.” this little boy and
his grandfather are fishing. granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says,
“grandpa, can i have one of those?”
grandpa says “is your penis big enough to touch your a******?” to which the
little boy responds “no.”
“then you can’t have one.”
a while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, “can i have on
of those?”
grandpa says “is your penis big enough to touch your a******?” to which the
little boy responds “no.”
“then you can’t have one.”
later on, grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a
lottery ticket. grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says, “i just won
$50,000″
grandpa says, “great, you�re going to split that with me, right?”
the little boy asks, “grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your
a******?”
“yes,” says grandpa.
“then go f*** yourself”