Q: why don’t they let blondes swim in the ocean?
A: because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna.
Author: admin
Little Johnny
A teacher asks her class, ‘ If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?’
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ‘ None, they will all fly away with
the first gun shot.’
The teacher replies, ‘ The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.’
Then little Johnny says ‘ I have a question for you. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?’
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ‘ Well, I suppose the one that’s
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. ‘
To which Little Johnny replied, ‘ The correct answer is ‘the one with the
wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking. ‘
Women are like….
How are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are always taken, and the free ones are mostly handicapped.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Check out my joke page!…
Check out my joke page!
Yo momma
yo mamma is so fat she has more crack than harlem
Little fire fighters
What did the mexican fire fighter and his wife call their new twins?
Hose A and Hose B!!!!
One True Religion
The Pope and God were conversing the other day, and the Pope said, “Hey God, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.” God replied, “Well I have always liked good news before bad so …” The Pope responded, “Well we finally have been able to unite all the known religions on Earth under one name.” God says, “Well that is just great, I have been trying for six thousand years, and you did it in less than two thousand. Now what is the bad news?” “We have to relocate the Vatican to Salt Lake City.”
Milk time
what do you get when theres a cow with a lot of milk and is up in space
a milky way
BB’s
There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.
He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB’s from the gun went right into mother’s spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB’s and just figured that they couldn’t hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.
Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, “mommy mommy I just peed BB’s! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don;t worry it will go away.
Then the little boy runs down stairs, “mommy mommy I just peed BB’s! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don’t worry about it, it will go away.
Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down – “honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!”
Why does a Jewish American
Why does a Jewish American Princess wear a gold diaphragm?
So her boyfriend will think he is coming into money.
Why “Opposite Sex”?
If you want to know why they are called the ‘opposite sex’, express an opinion!
What you learn from Kids
THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDRENBy a Weary Father- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.- A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.- When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it’s already too late.- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak — it explodes.- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.- Duplos will not.- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.- Super glue is forever.- McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.- Ditto Tarzan.- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.- VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.- Plastic toys do not like ovens.- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.- It will however make cats dizzy.- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.- Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).