The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.”Mrs. Fitzgerald,” the reverend said sternly. “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?” “Shure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.The bartender looked over the bar and said, “Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar.”The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz.”The bartender nodded. “Well if you’re that far you may as well finish.”
Author: admin
If all the world is
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Blonde police car
why did a blonde steal a police car?
because she saw 911 and thought it was a porshe
Q: Which of the
Q: Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs,blowjob?
A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blowjob.
Bald and Penis-Like
You are so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck, you look like a broken
condom.
Bad Car Day
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. ”What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked. The man responded, ”I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.” At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, ”Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.” This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, ”I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.” At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked ”Are we over the border yet?”
Origin of Pets
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided
the answer to, “Where do pets come from?”
Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me
every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and
it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you
that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my
love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see
me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may
be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love
you as I do, in spite of yourself.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it
was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was
pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said,
“Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I
cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said, “No problem! Because I have created this new
animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a
reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved
him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was
content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came
to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride.
He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy
of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but
perhaps too well.”
And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him a
companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as
he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he
will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not
obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded
that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn’t give a shit one way or the other.
What do You Get
A young girl of 12 gets up in the middle of the night for a glass of water.
Hearing muffled noises coming from her parents room, she quietly peeks her
head in. She’s been very curious about sex, and thinks that that must be
what her parents are doing….
She soundlessly returns to bed and resolves to ask her mother about it in
the morning. At breakfast she asks her mother, “Mommy, what’s sex?”
“Sex happens when a man and woman get married,” her mother replies. “The
man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina and they make a baby.”
The little girl thinks for a minute and says, “Mommy, last night I saw you
with Daddy’s penis in your mouth! What do you get when you do that?”
Her mother smiles and says, “Jewelry!”
Three men
there were 3 mens that were in prison and all 3 of them done the biggest crime ever. in court the jugde decided that all 3 of them have to spend the rest of their life in prison. the 3 men were told that they can 1 thing what ever they want, so the 1st man asked for all the women in the world, the 2nd man asked for all the alcahol in the world and the 3rd man asked for all the ciggeretes in the world,so they all got what they wanted.
50 years later the caretaker went to check up on them. he went to the 1st mans room and saw lots of babys,he went to the 2nd mans room and saw the man was drunk,he went to the 3rd mans room and he sees the mans hands are shaking and saying have u got a lighter
Substitute teacher
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name, remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy.”
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Little Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher,
“I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
“That’s right.” she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, “Mrs. Crunt?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtus
I can’t breath
There was a blonde that was tierd of her life so decided to hang herself. So as a guy walked by and saw her hanging by the waste, and asked her what she was doing. She said that she was trying to hang herself. So the guy then asked her, “shouldn’t you be hanging by the neck instead of the waste?” The Blonde replied, “Well, I tried that, but then i couldn’t breath.”
Yuor mamma so fat
your mamma so fat that when she fell a new universe was created