Author: admin

Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian.

He’s never lost a match because of this “pretzel” hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!”

The wrestler nodded in agreement.

Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!

A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air.

The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”

The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”

Una vez estaba Juanita en su casa, y de repente tuvo su primera menstruaci�n, estaba muy asustada pero no hab�a nadie en su casa, as� que decidi� ir a casa de su mejor amigo,
Pepito.

Lleg� a la casa y toc� el timbre:

“Hola Pepito, �est� tu mam�?”

“No Juanita, pero �qu� se te ofrece?”

“No te puedo decir Pepito, son cosas de Mujeres.”

“D�melo Juanita, yo s� absolutamente todo de mujeres.”

“No, Pepito, �est� tu hermana?”

“No Juanita, pero dime, ya te dije que s� todo de mujeres.”

“No te puedo decir Pepito, �est� tu sirvienta?”

“No, pero d�melo, yo s� todo de las mujeres.”

“Est� bien Pepito te lo voy a decir.”

En ese momento se levanta la falda y est� toda ensangrentada y dice Pepito:

“Pero �qu� hiciste, Juanita? �Te arrancaste los huevos!”

Va un borracho chocando con los postes de luz, cuando se cruza con un polic�a y le pregunta con voz tartajosa:

“Se�or polic�a (hic), por favor, �me puede decir cu�ntos chichones tengo en la cabeza?”

“Seis”.

“Ah, bueno, entonces me faltan dos postes para llegar a mi casa”.

I know I’m not the only person in the world who hates
telemarketers. I got bored one day, and made this list of stupid
things to say to telemarketers. I’ve tried most of them. Enjoy!

1. Ask what state they live in. Proceed to call this state the
“I Hate That State” state.

2. Tell them that you recognize their voice from an old
schoolhouse rock cartoon. No matter what they say, insist on it.
Demand an autograph.

3. Yell the word “ouch” at random intervals.

4. Ask the person to keep speaking up until he/she is
practically screaming at the phone. Then, in a calm voice, tell
them that you have not understood a word they have said, and
hang up.

5. Ask when their birthday is. Proceed to sing “Happy Birthday”,
no matter the date.

6. Ask what they are wearing. Say that you have one of those two.

7. Speak, if you can, in a foreign language.

8. Pretend to be Regis Philbin from the Millionaire Show. Ask a
very simple question, such as who the first President was. When
they get it correct, sound very scientific and tell them why
they are wrong.

9. Tell them to turn around. Hang up the phone when they do.

10. Ask a lot of real questions about the product. Pretend to be
very interested. After about ten minutes of this, ask what color
the product is. Tell the person that if it came in hot pink, you
might think about it.

11. Tell your life story.

12. Tell your grandfather’s life story.

13. Say that you have to go to the bathroom, but ask them to
stay on the line. Leave the phone sitting there for about 3
minutes. Return and yell out to nobody but so that the
telemarketer can hear, “Damn honey, you’re good at that!”

14. Tell them that now is a bad time, as you’re in the middle of
having sex.

15. Ask to borrow some money.

16. Pretend to be selling the same product they are. Just repeat
everything they say.

17. Do the “Kerpal” shtick. If you do not know what Kerpal is,
download it now on Napster.

18. Tell them that you’re having phone troubles and may get
disconnected at random ti-

19. Ask to buy their left leg for $10.

20. Tell them that there is no “product”, like from the kid in
the Matrix.

Un tipo estaba parado a la orilla de la carretera pidiendo avent�n, en medio de una tremenda tormenta, en una oscura y tenebrosa noche.

Pas� un tiempo pero nadie se paraba. La tormenta era tan fuerte que apenas si se alcanzaba a ver a unos 3 metros de distancia. De pronto, ve que un extra�o carro se acerca lentamente y al final se detiene. Sin dudarlo, por lo precario de su situaci�n, se sube al auto y cierra la puerta. Voltea y se da cuenta, con asombro, de que nadie va manejando el carro.

El veh�culo arranca suave y pausadamente. El tipo mira hacia la carretera y ve, con horror desorbitado, que adelante est� una curva; asustado, comienza a rezar e implorar por su salvaci�n al advertir su tr�gico destino. El fulano no ha terminado de salir de su espanto cuando, justo antes de llegar a la curva, entra una mano tenebrosa por la ventana del chofer y mueve el volante, lentamente pero con firmeza.

Paralizado de terror y sin aliento, se aferra con toda sus fuerzas al asiento; inm�vil e impotente ve como sucede lo mismo en cada curva del tenebroso y horrible camino, mientras la tormenta aumenta su fuerza. El sujeto, sacando fuerzas de donde ya no quedaban, se baja del carro y se va corriendo hasta el pueblo m�s cercano.

Deambulando, todo empapado, se dirige a una cantina que se percibe a lo lejos; entra y pide dos tequilas. Temblando a�n, les empieza a contar a todos los parroquianos la pavorosa experiencia que acababa de sufrir.

Se hizo un pesado silencio ante el asombro de todos los presentes. El miedo asomaba por todos los rincones del lugar. Como a la media hora, llegan dos hombres todos mojados y le dice uno al otro, en tono molesto:

“�Mira Juan, all� est� el hijo de la chingada que se subi� al carro cuando lo ven�amos empujando!”

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.”What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer.”I’m going to a lecture.” the man said.”And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.”My wife.” said the man.