Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Author: admin
Guards Wouldnt let them
One day i was out looking for a Birthday present for my sisters 19th birthday and as i was walking down the card isle and spotted something that looked like it would be good….But before i tell you the joke you need to know that my all of my sisters x boyfreinds have either been in jail or are on their way to jail so back to the card….
On the front it said
Hey Sis i was going to get all of your x boyfreinds to sign this card for you…..then when you opened it up it said However the guards wouldnt let them have any sharp objects!!!
Three Dumb Wives
The first guy, a red head, says, “My wife is so dumb she went a
bought a washer and we don’t even have runnining water.”
The second guy, a brunet, says, “My wife is so dumb that she
went and bought a microwave and we don’t even have electricity.”
The third guy, a blond, says, “My wife is so dumb that one day
when I was going through her purse I found some condoms and she
doesn’t even have a dick.”
1. El amor es una
1. El amor es una cosa esplendorosa… �Hasta que te sorprende tu esposa!
2. M�s vale parecer un idiota con la boca cerrada, que abrir la boca y disipar toda duda.
3. Es mucho m�s f�cil perdonar al enemigo una vez que nos hemos desquitado.
4. El ochenta por ciento de los hombres casados enga�a a sus esposas en los Estados Unidos. El resto lo hace en Europa.
5. No estoy de acuerdo con las relaciones antes del matrimonio, porque hacen llegar tarde a la ceremonia.
6. Yo no le deseo la muerte a nadie… Siempre que no me falte trabajo. (Un empresario de pompas f�nebres).
7. Si su suegra es una joya… �Aqu� le tenemos el estuche! (Anuncio en una funeraria).
8. La realidad es una alucinaci�n causada por la falta de alcohol.
9. Hay gente que est� demasiado educada para hablar con la boca llena, pero no les importa hacerlo con la cabeza hueca.
10. Cuando el fil�sofo se�ala la luna, el tonto se fija en el dedo.
Blondes and zebras
what did a blonde call her pet zebra ?
spot
Making People Happy
How to Avoid Bubba?
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al,
chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100 bill out the window right now
and make someone very happy�.
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10 bills out
the window and make 10 people very happy�.
Hilary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, “I could throw one
hundred $1 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy�.
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them, and says, “I could throw all
three of you out the window and make the whole country happy!”
Small feet
Q: Why do women have small feet?
A: To get closer to the sink.
Hold that thought
Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Penguin
What’s grey?
A melted penguin.
Nasty Tampons
This 14 year old girl was to lazy to throw away her tampons so decided to start throwing them in the basement. Well,34 years came by and her basement was flooded in tampons. She got an idea to put a contest in the newspaper, “The first person to stay down in my basement for 48 hours I will sign a check for him/her for $3,000. The first person came,went down her basement and came back up with puke all over his face and left after 10 minutes. The second went down and came back up 24 hours later askin her how she expects anybody to stay down there. The third person came and came back up 48 hours later and the lady shocked asked him how he did it. He replied “It smelled really gross down there but it was fine since u left me some pizza rolls to eat.
If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer
Here’s an easy game to play. Here’s an easy thing to say.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is
interrupted as a very last resort. And the address of the memory makes
your floppy disk abort. Then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is
corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash. Then your situation’s hopeless
and your system’s gonna crash!
You can’t say this? What a shame sir! We’ll find you another game, sir!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is
connected to the button on the mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on
another protocol.
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen
is all distorted by the side effects of Gauss, So your icons in the
windows are so wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out
with a bang, ‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, And the
microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC. Then you have to flash your
memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and
be sure to tell your mom!
“P”
A boy went up to a teacher and asked to go to the restroom. She said for him to say his ABC’s. He said, “ABCDEFG,HIJKLMNO, QRS,TUV,WX,Yand Z.”So the teacher asked him, “Wheres your “P”?”He said, “Running down my pants!!!!!!!!!”