Author: admin

Letters to Santa Claus

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Dear Santa,
Will you please get me a bike for Christmas? Thank you.
Your friend,
Mackenzie

“Dear Mackenzie,
I’ll try my best to get you a bie.
Santa”

Dear Santa,
Will you please get me a hamster and a pony for Christmas?
Your friend,
Bobby

“Dear Bobby,
Ya, sure, whatever.
Santa”

Dear Santa,
Give me a bike, slinky, dog, gold ring, pony, unicorn, cat,
hamster, fish, video games, a teddy bear, and a life time supply
of fruit roll ups.”
From
Julia

“Dear Julia,
No, I will not give you all that shit for your stupid holiday.
I am tired of you brats asking me for all this junk. ‘Dear
Santa, give me give me give me!!!’ Well do you little mothers
even care for what I want? NOO!!!!!!! It’s always you you you
and none for me me me! I got an idea, I’ll personally deliver
the ring, but I’ll shove it upi your ass! Hey, Julia, ever
heard of a lesbian? Well, you can be one for Halloween, just
liek your mother!! Wait, your mother aint pretending, she’s a
real lesbian!! Ever wonder where your father went? Now ya
know! Your mom screwed him, then dumped him after getting
pregnant and having a spoiled little fuck like you!!! Tell your
friends that Rudolf had his head smashed in, and that I am
carrying an AK47. Now fuck off forever brat, and I’ll see you
soon!!!!
Santa”

Once upon a time!

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Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; metal, wood,plastic – anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, “If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.”

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, “Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.” The princess did as she was asked, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince’s pants?

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They were M&M’s!!! – (get your mind out of the gutter !!)
Everyone knows they melt in your mouth, not in your hand!

My Call

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A doctor rushed out of his study room. “Get me my bag!” he shouted.
“Why, what’s the matter?” inquired his pretty young wife.

“Some fellow just phoned and said he can’t live without me,” he gasped as he reached for his hat.
The young wife sighed. “Just a moment,” she said gently. “I think that call was for me.”

Top Ten New Tourist Slogans For New York

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10. We’ll pick your pocket and steal your heart.

9. If our strippers don’t smile, the next lap dance is free.

8. We break more laws by 9 AM than most cities do all day.

7. Come explore our mysterious puddles.

6. It’s the city that never sleeps and rarely bathes.

5. Twice the fun and three times the crack.

4. We love to grope and it shows.

3. Food, folks, and felonies.

2. Yes that’s a revolver in our pants, and yes we are happy to see you.

1. New York: the Gateway to Newark.

Incident

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I have been married twice and am now on my 3 girlfriend. i took her 2 my parents and that night we got very tired and i said that we were goin to bed. my mum said that we were not sleeping together as we were not married. so i came up with the suggestion that my mum will sleep down stairs, my girlfriend would sleep in my room and i will have to sleep in with my dad. that night me and my dad got really drunk and he woke me up saying that he was really horny and he said his dick was as hard as steel. he also said that he was goin to bone my mum. I said to him that he had to take me with him and he replied why. i then replied back that he was holding onto my dick.

3 Little Pigs

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Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, “I’m gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down.” And he did! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig’s house and said ” Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!!” So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Then the wolf showed up and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down!” And he did! The straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig’s house and said “Let us in! The wolf just blew down our houses down and we’re scared!!!” So the brick pig let them in.

The wolf caught up with them and said “I’m gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down.” While he was huffing and puffing, the straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and called a friend.

A few minutes passed and all of a sudden this big black stretch limo drove up. Out came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras. These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him. Then, One of them pulled out a gun and fired into the wolf’s mouth. Then they left the wolf dead, got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and the stick pig were amazed!!! They asked the brick pig, “Who the hell were those guys?”

And the brick pig said “Oh, those are my cousins …the Guinea Pigs.”

TGIF

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A businessman got into an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ‘T-G-I-F’

He smiled at her and replied,
‘S-H-I-T’

She looked at him puzzled and said, ‘T-G-I-F’ again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ‘S-H-I-T.’

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, ‘T-G-I-F’ another time.

The man smiled back at her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, ‘S-H-I-T.’

The blonde finally decided to explain things and this time she said, ‘T-G-I-F. Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?’

The man answered, ‘S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey It’s Thursday.’