Yo’ mama so old, I told her to act her age and she died!
Author: admin
Constantly complaining about the temperature
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.”Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
Un inspector m�dico est� visitando
Un inspector m�dico est� visitando un asilo para ancianos; ve a uno y se detiene ante �l:
“�Cu�ntos a�os tiene?”
“Noventis�is, doctor.”
“Pues se conserva muy bien para su edad. �Y cu�l es el secreto de su longevidad?”
“Me bebo dos botellas de tinto al d�a, doctor”.
“Muy bien, contin�e as� y que haya suerte”.
Se dirige entonces a un segundo viejo:
“Y usted �cu�ntos a�os tiene?”
“Cien justo, doctor”.
“Le felicito. Los lleva usted muy bien. �Y cu�l es el secreto de su longevidad?
“Me fumo dos buenos puros al d�a y me bebo al menos cuatro co�acs”.
“�Incre�ble!”
El inspector se acerca a un tercer pensionista que parece mucho m�s viejo que los otros dos.
“�Tambi�n tiene usted un secreto para vivir largo tiempo?”
“Lo m�o es el sexo, doctor. Todos los d�as me tiro al menos doce putas y me masturbo un m�nimo de seis veces”.
“�Me deja estupefacto! �Y cu�ntos a�os dice que tiene?”
“Veintinueve.”
Don king kong
your mommy chest so hairy, it looks like king kong is about to pop out and say hello america
COLLEGE DAYS
George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing
spin control on his past drug problems.”Dubya,” said his PR guy, “We’ve got to
know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college.””It’s true,”
replied Bush, “but it isn’t my fault.My parents were rich, and I was born with a
silver spoon in my nose.”
Talking dog
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the mutt replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”
“I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down.”
“So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?”
The owner replies, “He’s such a F**king liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Psychologist
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But the light bulb has to really want to be changed.
Razorback Hogs
Bill Clinton got off his helicopter in front of the White House with a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said “Nice pigs, Sir!”
The President replied “These are not pigs. They are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.”
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, “Nice trade, Sir!”
I’m A Wheelbarrow
Patient: Doctor, people tell me I’m a wheelbarrow. Psychiatrist: Don’t let people push you around.
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant…
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.
The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.” He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so.”
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
Dear Abby
My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issues. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time He gets caught he first denies it all, then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don’t know what to do.
Signed:
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated:
Why don’t you move to New York and run for the Senate.
Yo Mama is so black…
Your mama is so black that when she gets out the car the oil light comes on.