The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company’s complaint department to ask for help.’The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.’, said the nun.’Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.’, said the company spokeswoman.Mother superior then observed, ‘I think the term they actually use is ‘%#$&*%$ shovel”.
Author: admin
Untitled joke
How many Mac users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It has to be done by your local authorized dealer.
You’ve ever used a hangnail
You’ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.You can chew your own toenails.You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
Why is it called lipstick
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
If everything seems to be
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously do not know what the hell is going on.
Short cut
Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Dont Bend
There were three friends, one a smoker, one a gay and the other a drinker. They felt ill and went to the Doctor but the doctor told them they will die on their next plague in any of the above activities.
They went out on day and the drinker said he cant stay away from drinking so he just dashed to a drinking bar and did good to himself after which he died.
The smoker and the gay were taking a stroll and the smoker saw a piece of cigarrete on the ground and tried bending to pick it up.
Gay: ‘Hey Hey Hey, Dont Bend else we will all Die’
Sammie
Didn’t Order a Hotdog
Two gentlemen are driving down the interstate and decide to stop
at a Truck Stop for dinner. They sit at the counter and when the
waitress arrives, both gentlemen order hamburgers.
The waitress promptly goes to the freezer, pulls out two
patties, and places one each under each arm. When asked what the
hell is going on, she calmly explains that they have no way to
defrost the patties since the microwave is broken.
One man says to the other, “Boy, I’m sure glad I didn’t order a
hotdog.”
Sure, everyone wants to save
Sure, everyone wants to save the whales, but not one voice is raised
on behalf of the plankton!
-Richard Guindon
Top Ten Things NOT To Say During Your Thesis
10. ta-daaaaaaah!
9. wow, i got soooooooo s*** faced last night! (dr. paul’s preferred line)
8. like, are you gonna scale these?
7. oh, yeah? we’ll, what do you know, anyway?
6. are you ready to rumble?
5. according to the new york post…
4. can i do something for extra credit?
3. now for my next trick…
2. good morning, tiger! (to your advisor)
1. will this take long? i’m double-parked…
Food for a man
This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night. After a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. ‘Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He’s going to be so angry if it’s not ready on time.’ She dashes out of her friend’s house; her great hand forgotten on the table. When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time. There is enough time to go to the supermarket and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf, just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! ‘Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, yum!’ And that night, they had sex for the first time in months and it was great. Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. ‘You’re going to kill him,’ they’d all say. Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. ‘You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?’ The wife stoically replied, ‘Ahh, I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantle while he was licking his rear.’