Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of
academic requirements: “I play football. I’m not trying to be a professor. The
tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff you haven’t
been through in school.”
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don
King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? After all, he spent
three years in prison, not Princeton.”
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color
photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my
name, I can still find my clothes.”
Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to
Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships: “I’ve won at every level,
except college and pro.”
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up to run at six o’clock every
morning regardless of what time it is.”
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team’s 7-27 record: “We
can’t win at home. We can’t win on the road. As general manager, I just can’t
figure out where else to play.”
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim
Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and
I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching
sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract
negotiations: “He wants Texas back.”
Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn
injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: “One player was
lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition
for football?”
Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team’s
co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the
field for the coin toss against St. Louis: “I’m going to send the injured
reserve players out for the toss next time.”
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at
Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books: “But the real tragedy was that 15
hadn’t been colored yet.”
Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of
the refs: “I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.”
Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday
afternoons: “It’s basically the same, just darker.”
Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: “I was
going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get shot.”
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son,what
is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I
don’t care.’ “
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a
player who received four Fs and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending
too much time on one subject.”