Yours Fun Portal !
So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says –
“Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place.”
Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there’s no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says…
“Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don’t start anything!”
Who is General Failure and why’s he reading my disk?
Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets.
According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six
midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance
the building of homes and let the “little people” pay less than the
going rate for rent.
Since we have only one “little person” living here it turns out that he
won’t have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy
covers everything.
We call it a Stay Free Mini Pad.
is it hot in here or am i sweatin!
There once was a race between a pair of lesbians and a pair of gay men.
Guess who won.
The lesbians. They could do 69 lickity-split, while the men were still at the starting line packing shit.
Q. Why did the little boy lick the lollypop lady?
A. because he thought she was a lollypop!!
I know I haven’t known you for a very long time, and I shouldn’t be asking you for this so soon, but I need it badly. I haven’t had it for a very long time. I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs, and I’d be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now I have a lot of nerve, but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juice until its very dry. It has been on my mind all day and I’m not going to beat around the bush anymore. So….. Can i have a piece of chewing gum?
This is the FBI summary of a conversation that took place this week
between President Clinton and Ashley, a brand new intern in the
White House.
Ashley walked into the White House for her first day of her
internship and was greeted by the President. After a short tour of the
White House the President asked, “How would you like to see the
Presidential Clock?”
Ashley looked troubled and said “I don’t know Mr. President. I
have heard some pretty bad things about you. I don’t think that would
be a good idea.”
“Nonsense” said the President. “It’s just a clock.” Ashley
agreed and the President led her into the Oval Office where they were
alone. He closed the door, dropped his pants, and pulled it out. Ashley
gasped.
“Oh that’s not the Presidential Clock, that’s the Presidential
Cock!”
To which the President responded, “Ashley, honey, once you put a
face and two hands on it, it’s a clock!”
There was this rich family, they only had one daughter and wanted her to marry a very rich man.
So her parents hired a match maker to find her a good partner.
So the match maker found a nice gentleman who was rich and handsome.
Little did he know that his left foot was amputated and he was wearing a wooden leg.
So the match was made and the girl got married. On the honeymoon the girl found out about his foot.
The girl came running to her mother and said “Mother, mother, he has only one foot!”
The mother said, “You’re very lucky, your father has only 6 inches.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
(Q.)Why do mexicans eat tamales for christmas?
(A.)So they have something to unwrap
I recently went to the doctor for a check-up, he checked me out thoroughly doing various tests, etc. He then went back to his table and sat down.”I’m prescribing these pills for you,” he then said, scribbling some weird name on the prescription pad, “I don’t want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time.”
One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was.
“My computer keeps telling me I have mail!”