This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, “Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I’ll sink?”
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Yomamma lsand
Yo mamma so fat, when she went scooba diving, a cruis ship rolled up next to her, and all the people said ” Yes we are finally here!”
The Top 15 Ways to Beat the Heat in Hollywood
15. Pee Wee Herman: Duck into an adult movie theater… huh?… Oh, *heat*??… Nevermind.
14. Robert Downey, Jr. only breaks into houses with pools.
13. George Clooney: Crushed ice in the ol’ bat-codpiece.
12. Marlon Brando: Lay on the beach until a crowd gathers to pull you back into the water.
11. Tim Allen and Kelsey Grammer: Vodka Frappuccinos.
10. O.J. Simpson: Enjoy the chilly stares and icy receptions.
9. Axl Rose: Four gallons of crank and a couple hookers usually does the trick.
8. Tori Spelling: Install intracranial fan to keep air circulating.
7. Enjoying a nice palm frond fan by otherwise unemployed Pam Dawber.
6. Menage a trois with Ice Cube and Ice T.
5. Michael Jackson has another layer of skin removed.
4. Playing Frisbee with Burt Reynolds’ toupee in the shade of Dolly Parton.
3. Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman: Lighten that heavy purse at the nearest Scientology deposit box.
2. Frank Gifford: Find hotel near the sea. Remove pants.
1. Pamela Anderson Lee: Drain saline. Replace with Slurpees.
A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter…
A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girl
friend he’d have it fixed in no time.
However as it was very cold
his hands kept getting cold. He asked his girl if he could put
his hands between her knees to warm them.
She said that would be
allright. After getting his hands warm he went back to fixing
the tire but it was so cold he could not continue so he again
asked his girl if he could warm his hands.
She again said it
would be allright. When his hands were warm he went back to
fixing the tire once more. But before he been out there five
minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm his hands.
His girl asked “Honey don’t your ears ever get cold?”
Special ring
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check.
“I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
“There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”.
M.J. Vs Carrier bag
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag?
One is made of plastic and is a potential risk to children. The other carries groceries.
Supermarket Sweepstakes
There was once a man who loved to go shopping for food. This
man was not very clever though. So one day when he was at Stop &
Shop there was a notice about a sweepstakes. It said:
THE ONE WHO GETS THE FRESHEST CHICKEN WINS!
Now this man had no idea what the priza was, but when the day of
the contest came he was ready to win.
“And first prize goes to…FREDDIE CROCKER!” That was not the
man. You see the man, being stupid, brought in an alive chicken!
To Drown
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don’t tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Blonde Painting
It was a hot and humid July afternoon, when I decided to visit my girl friend, Susie. Susie may be blonde and beautiful, but sometimes she is, shall we say, lacking in other areas.
Well Susie had decided her kitchen needed repainting, and instead of hiring a professional, decided to do it herself. I thought she might appreciate a break and brought over some cold beer and some sandwitches.
When I arrived, I found Susie working hard painting the kitchen walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, she was wearing her fur coat and her ski parka.
I asked her why she was dressed that way on such a hot day. She brought me the paint bucket and told me to read the instructions. I did.
It said, . . . “For best results, put on two coats.”
Dirty Old Man
What do you call a dirty old man who lives in a box?
Your dad!
Yo momma
yo momma is so fat she sat on the arch and created the mcdonalds M
Insensitive
What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
Man.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis