A guy needed a new scope for his shotgun so he went to a shop
and asked the guy if he could buy a scope
the guy said yes we sell them so then the guy said this is the
best scope he said you could see my house from
here and the guy said why is there a naked man and woman running
around your house the clerk said let me
take a look and he gave the guy two bullets and said i want you
to shoot off the guys dick and my wifes
head so then the guy looked through the scope and said i think i
can do that in one shot
Author: admin
What’s the difference between government bonds…
What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
How Macho Are You
Q: What’s the definition of a really macho woman?A: She jump starts her vibrator.Q: What’s the definition of a really macho man?A: He puts on a condom with a tire iron.
Here I Sit Stroking…
Here I sit gently stroking thinking of all the pussy I could be poking.
Little Johnny
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about
things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his
mother. “He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming
up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought
for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”
Un lanchero acapulque�o va caminando
Un lanchero acapulque�o va caminando por la playa, en eso, ve venir a una rubia escultural y le piropea a su modo:
“�Mamacita, qu� chichotas! �Qu� nalgotas! �Qu� piernotas!”
La rubia, molesta, se vuelve y le lanza:
“�Prieto! �Peludo! �Apestoso!”
El coste�o, muy enojado, anuncia:
“Mamacita, si es adivinanza, es el culo; pero si te refieres a m�… �Chinga tu madre!”
BLONDY-BLOND
wHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH 2 BRAIN CELLS?
pREGNANT
Gone to Sleep
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed.
Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’.
The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I heard it snoring!”
Blonde State of Mind
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, “Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!” Her friend said, “O.K. then, what’s the capital of France?” The blonde replied, “Oh, that’s so easy! F.”
Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they’re screwed.
Ten daughtors
There was a wife that had ten daughtors that all had the same name.One day a friend came over and asked the mother,”If they all have the same name then what do you do when you want to talk to one in particular?”and the mom answerd,”I call them by there last name.”
The Powerbook that Leaked
In 1993, sometime in December, a customer walks in with a dead PowerBook 165.
Fault description: hangs on startup. An additional symptom provided was: whilst being carried from the customer’s site to our service center, a ‘sloshing’ noise was heard within the machine.
“Has anything been split on this computer?” I inquired, but no, nothing of the sort had happened, protested the client vehemently. Taking this with a grain of salt (no-one’s going to admit doing something that totally invalidates their warranty and effectively wrecks their computer) I went about filling in the repair order. Back on the bench, I started the PowerBook up.
Sure enough, an address error on startup, just after ‘Welcome to Macintosh’. I lowered my ear to the keyboard, at which point I heard a crackling noise (couldn’t hear any sloshing noise though) and became aware of a rather ‘sharp’ odor which seemed to emanate from the inside of the machine.
Flicking the computer off and unplugging the adapter, I removed the battery from its compartment, only to observe that the entire battery casing was soaked in a fluid which appear to have a rainbow-like sheen (kind of like what a puddle of soapy water would look like — oily and colorful). I also noticed that the same fluid was leaking out of the battery compartment onto the static mat, but appeared clear rather than multi-colored. My first thoughts were that the battery had somehow leaked acid out into the guts of the PowerBook, which would account for the sharp smell (which reminded me of ammonia), yet the battery terminals were about the one part of the battery that was dry.
No, upon closer examination, I ruled the acid theory out. The battery was wet, but not leaking. Tipping the machine on its side, I watched more fluid run out and coagulate on the bench in a puddle about the size of a compact disc. It was definitely clear, and I observed that the ‘rainbow’ effect had been caused by the reaction of the plastic battery casing to this ‘mystery liquid’. I then unscrewed the computer and separated the two parts of the PowerBook. The smell suddenly became a LOT stronger. T
he hard disk looked like a solid lump of rust, and the daughterboard appeared to have about three barbecued chips. Although I was quickly forming my own opinions on what had happened, I invited several of my workmates in to take a sniff and offer an opinion. We were unanimous in our decision.
I rang the customer, who seemed surprised when I asked the question: “Do you have a cat?” As it turned out, he didn’t have a cat, but he did have a lovely fluffy bunny rabbit who was seen in the vicinity of the PowerBook only the day before.
Yes, there was no doubt about it, little fluffy had hopped up onto the keyboard and downloaded some incompatible data. I checked the warranty form, but there was no provision for failure due to rabbit urine anywhere. I advised the customer to get in touch with his insurance company.
In the end, the PowerBook was biffed and the customer upgraded to a 180c. I cleaned up the static mat and sprayed the service department with a healthy dosage of “Fresh Field of Flowers.”
I checked in with the customer about a week later, asked how was he enjoying the 180c, asked if he’d managed to restore his data, and, of course, asked how was his rabbit?
“Delicious,” he said.