Author: admin

Entra un mero macho mexicano

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Entra un mero macho mexicano a un bar y le ordena al barman:

“�CANTINERO, SIRVEME UN TEQUILA!”

Despu�s del trago se voltea y le dice a todos los que estaban en el bar: �ME CAGO EN TODOS USTEDES, MENOS EN EL ENANO ESTE QUE EST� AQU�!”

El enano se sorprende y no dice nada.

El tipo pide otro tequila y despu�s de haberselo bebido repite: “�ME CAGO EN TODOS USTEDES MENOS EN EL ENANO ESTE QUE EST� AQU�!”

El enano ya va poniendo cara de sobrado.

Despu�s de 13 tequilas y el macho repitiendo la frase que ven�a diciendo, el enano estaba todo sobrado y tamb�n empez� a joder a la gente.

Una de las personas que se encontraba en el bar, molesto por la actitud del enano y del macho le preg�nta a �ste:

“�Y POR QU� TE CAGAS EN TODOS NOSOTROS MENOS EN EL ENANO �SE?”

Y responde el macho:

“�PORQUE CON EL ENANO ME LIMPIO EL CULO!”

“he s*** the bed and turned blue, miss”

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Its the first day back after the holidays for the primary ones (first
graders), and the teacher decides to ask each of the children to tell a small
story about their fathers.
so the teacher points to little katy and asks, “katy, what does your daddy
work as?”
and katy replies “my daddy’s an aircraft pilot, and he flies people all over
the world and makes them very happy.”
the teacher then asks little david what his daddy does.
“my daddy is a postman, miss, and he delivers letters and parcels to people
sent from all over the place, and he makes people happy.”
the teacher turns to little susan and is about to ask the same question as the
others, but susan suddenly bursts into tears. the teacher rushes over to console
her. “whets wrong susan?”
“my daddy is dead, miss” she replies.
“aww…. i didn’t know that. i’m so sorry”
“it’s ok” she choked out, through tears.
“so tell me susan, what did your father do before he died?”
“he s*** the bed and turned blue, miss”

Political metaphor

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A politician was speaking at a particular function and as usual was making promises and more promises. He was being heckled by a member of the audience who kept asking, after each promise, “When? When?”.After a while the politician couldn’t take it anymore so he asked the man if he was a farmer. The man said “Yes.”The politician the proceeded to ask the man “When you put a bull in a pen with a lot of cows, do you expect to get immediate results?”The man replied “No! However, I expect to see a lot of content faces in the morning.”

Redneck Birth Control… Cherry bomb

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A man and a woman from Alabama don’t want any more children because they
already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, “What
state are you from?
The man says “Alabama.” The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb
in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn’t so
sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.
When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells him the
exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the
doctors must be right.
So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count.
”1…2…3…4…5…” The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his
legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ”6…7…8…9…”

Women!

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From 15 to 20, women are like Africa – Part virgin and part explored.

From 21 to 35, women are like Asia- Hot and exotic.

From 35 to 45, they are like the United States – Fully explored and free with their resources.

From 45 to 55, they are like Europe – Exhausted, but still interesting in places.

From 55 on, they are like Australia – Everybody knows it’s down there , but nobody cares very much.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Una mujer que se encuentra

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Una mujer que se encuentra en la cama con su amante, advierte que su esposo est� llegando y r�pidamente mete al gal�n bajo la cama.

“Hola, amor ya llegu�”, saluda el marido.

“Estoy cansada. Vamos a dormir”, dice la mujer, coloc�ndose en la parte de la cama que tiene un agujero en el colch�n.

Aprovechando el orificio, el amante mete el miembro hasta acerc�rselo a la mujer.

“�Ah, ah!”, grita la mujer excitada.

“�Qu� pasa, amor?”, pregunta intrigado el consorte.

“Nada, es el fr�o”.

Despu�s de unos minutos, nuevamente la mujer grita:

“�Ah, ah!”

“�Qu� pasa, amor?”, pregunta nuevamente el marido.

“Nada, es el fr�o”.

“Creo que mejor me cambio a tu lado, amor”, sugiere el tipo.

El amante, sin saber nada de lo ocurrido, repite la acci�n.

“Ah, ah, este fr�o si que parte el culo!”, grita el esposo.

Flat Tire

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A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap. After he struggles a few minutes, she looks out at him and says, ‘You wanna screwdriver?’He says, “Hell, We might as well. I can’t get this freaking hubcap off.”

That Must have Hurt!

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Two five year old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, “Your thing doesn’t have any skin on it!”

“I’ve been circumcised.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means they cut the skin off the end.”

“How old were you when it was cut off?”

“My mom said I was two days old.”

“Did it hurt?”

“You bet it hurt, I didn’t walk for a year!”