Author: admin

Pregnant Lady

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One day a pregnant lady that was expecting triplets was walking through a gangster neighborhood, and was shot three times. When she went to the emergency room, the doctor said that she would live, but that the kids might experience complications as they got older.

Ten years later, the first kid came running down the stairs and said, “Mommy Mommy! Guess what? I pooped a bullet!”

A day or so later, the second kid came running down the stairs and said, “Mommy Mommy! Guess what? I pooped a bullet!”

The third kid come down the stairs and said, “Mommy Mommy! Guess what?”

She said, “Let me guess… You pooped a bullet?”

He said, “No, I was jacking off and I shot the dog.”

REAL Doc Vs. Attorny case

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Attorney: So, doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of
death of the patient?

Doctor: That’s correct.

Attorney: Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?

Doctor: No, I performed the autopsy.

Attorney: Okay, were you aware of his vital signs while he was at the
hospital?

Doctor: Yes, he came in to the emergency room in shock and died in the
emergency room a short time after arriving.

Attorney: Did you pronounce him dead at that time?

Doctor: No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not
involved with the patient initially.

Attorney: Well, are you even sure, then, that he died in the emergency
room?

Doctor: That is what the records indicate.

Attorney: But if you weren’t there, how could you have pronounced him
dead, having not seen or physically examined the patient at that time?

Doctor: The autopsy showed massive hemorrhage into the chest, and that was
the cause of death.

Attorney: I understand that, but you were not actually present to examine
the patient and pronounce him dead, isn’t that right?

Doctor: No, sir, I did not see the patient or actually pronounce him dead,
but I did perform an autopsy and right now his brain is in a jar over at
the county morgue. As for the rest of the patient, for all I know, he
could be out practicing law somewhere.

Corporate Lesson #5

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A turkey was chatting with a bull.

“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent

An Egyptian man is walking…

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An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up
to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?”
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, 20?”
“No, not worth it!”
“How about 10?”
“No, not worth it!”
“Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth
it?”
“Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it.”

The teacher

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A teacher had a class,and she tlod her students if they answer a qustion then they would get a treat.So the teacher calls jimmy to the fort of the classroom. She asked the qustion,and jimmy answers the qustion right.
So the teacher tlod jimmy to
close his eyes and open his mouth.Jimmy did as he was told,and the teacher put a hershe kiss in his mouth.Then the teacher asked him if he could guess what she put in his mouth.Jimmy replyed no I don’t know.The teacher saids
Ill give you a hint.It’s what your dad always wants from your mother every morning before he goes to work,and before jimmy could answer a littel girl got up and said. Oh no jimmy spit it out its a peace of ass

Tres amigos van al burdel

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Tres amigos van al burdel y solicitan:

“Queremos tres mujeres”.

“S�lo tenemos dos disponibles”, informa el encargado.

“Pues al tonto �ste dele una mu�eca hinchable”.

Al d�a siguiente, los tres comentan sus experiencias:

“La m�a era de lo mejor”, presume el primero.

“�La m�a c�mo bailaba el polvo horizontal!” alardea el segundo.

“�Pues la m�a era bruja: le mord� una teta y sali� volando!”, afirma el tonto.

Tingling

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A fugitive was running from the police. He was hiding in the
house of his ex-girlfriend, and they just had a “wonderful
time.” Suddenly, a knock is heard on the door.

“Police, open!!!”

The man hides on top of large rafters along the living room
ceiling. However, his abnormally large balls hang down into
sight. The woman opens the door and the police burst in, search
the house head to foot, but find nothing.

One of the cops notices the balls, and asks what the hell those
are. “Chinese temple bells,” the woman answers. “I’ve always
wanted to hear the tingling sound of Chinese temple bells,”
replied the cop. He gives them a great bang with his club. No
sound. Again, he bangs them, but nothing. Puzzled, he whacks
them as hard as he can, and there is a loud scream from above,
“Tingling, you son of a bitch!!”

Bush At The Airport

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George W. Bush was standing in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a
long flowing white robe, with long white hair and white beard. The man held a
staff in one hand and had some stone tablets under his other arm.

Approaching the man, George W. inquired, “Pardon me, but aren’t you Moses?”
Ignoring George W., the man stared at the ceiling.

Positioning himself more directly in the man’s view, George W. again asked,
“Excuse me, aren’t you Moses?” Still the man continued staring at the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once more, “Aren’t you Moses?”
Finally, the man responded in an aggravated tone, “Yes, I am!”

George W. then asked the man his reason for being so unfriendly and Moses
replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up spending forty years in
the desert.”