Author: admin

The Bill of No RightsWe, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal bedwetters.We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.ARTICLE I:You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.ARTICLE II:You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone – not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be, if there’s people like you in it.ARTICLE III:You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.ARTICLE IV:You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.ARTICLE V:You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.ARTICLE VI:You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.ARTICLE VII:You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.ARTICLE VIII:You don’t have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won’t lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you’d like; however, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world, and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.ARTICLE IX:You don’t have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.ARTICLE X:You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness- which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

A young indian wants to learn how indians get their names so he
goes to chief sitting bull and asks him,
“Where do we get our names ?” to which the chief replies, “When
child is born chief go out of teepee and first thing chief sees
child named. If chief sees swooping hawk child named swooping
hawk, if chief sees a running bear then child named running
bear, so tell me Two Dogs Fucking why do u ask?”

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”

The man replied, “130.” So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, “This is really cool.”

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him,
“What’s your IQ?”

The man responded, “120.” So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, “Wow, this is really cool.”

A third guy came in to the bar.
As with the others, the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”

The man replied, “80.”

The robot then said, “So, how are things in Poland these days?”

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small New England town.

After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd – shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.

Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain.

One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars.

The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.

“That man’s persistence yonder,” observed one of the natives, “it sure makes it easy to know who to vote for.”

“Yep,” another native agreed. “I can’t see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn’t the good sense to come in out of the rain!”