Tres amigos hablaban acerca de

Tres amigos hablaban acerca de cuales consideraban las mejores posiciones durante el sexo.

“�La n�mero uno es el 69!”, acepta uno.

“�Me fascina el pollo asado!”, dice el otro.

“�No hay nada mejor que la del rodeo!”, comenta el tercero.

Los otros dos amigos se miran con cara de asombro, y r�pido le preguntan en qu� consiste esa posici�n.

El hombre les explica: “Bueno, le dices a tu mujer que se ponga en cuatro y empiezas por detr�s; una vez que las cosas se pongan bien calientes, apoyas tu pecho sobre su espalda, la abrazas fuertemente, y con delicadeza le susurras al o�do: ‘esta posici�n le fascina a mi secretaria’… e intentas mantenerte encima de ella por m�s de ocho segundos”.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats.

El hermano de Pepito est�

El hermano de Pepito est� viendo la TV cuando mandan a corte informativo:

“Esta noche, en su telecanal favorito, hablaremos de sexo”.

“�De sel� el secxo?”, se pregunta el hermano de Pepito, de apenas cuatro a�os de edad, y decide preguntarle a Pepito.

Va con el buen Pepe, quien ya es un adolescente:

“Oye, Pepito, �de es el secxo?”

Pepito se saca de onda y piensa:

“�Chin! �Ahora c�mo se lo explico?”

Enseguida se muestra despreocupado y se dice:

“Ya ver� c�mo, al fin que mi mam� me dijo que le ense�ara lo que s� a mi hermanito”.

Entonces, lo lleva a la sala y lo sienta a ver una pel�cula pornogr�fica, al terminar, le explica:

“Mira, hermano, eso que estaban haciendo el hombre y la mujer, es el sexo”.

“�Dendo duda!”, grita el hermanito de Pepito.

“�Me lleva!, piensa Pepito, “todav�a no le queda claro”.

As� que le muestra unas revistas de Playboy y le ense�a una foto:

“Mira, hermano, eso que tiene la chica entre las piernas es el sexo”.

“�Dendo duda!”, insiste el chiquil�n.

Pepito llama por tel�fono a su novia y le solicita:

“Paquita, ven, te necesito para explicarle algo a mi hermanito”.

Llega la chava y se ponen a hacer el amor, cuando terminan, Pepito le dice a su hermano menor:

“Eso que hicimos mi novia y yo, es el sexo”.

“�Dendo duda!”, vuelve a gritar el menor.

“�Ya me tienes harto!”, se enoja Pepito. “�Ya te mostr� de todas maneras que es el sexo y t� todav�a tienes duda!”

“No, Pepito, �Dendo duda la pilinola!

Body parts argue

The parts of the body were arguing who has the toughest job. The hand says ” I have the toughest job for I work all day lifting heavey things, typeing, writing, cooking etc.” The feet say “I have the toughest job for I have to drive, walk, run, and put up with smelly shoes all day” and the penis says “You think you got it bad! Everyday he shoves me into a deep dark whole and makes me do push ups untill i throw up!”

La se�ora due�a de la

La se�ora due�a de la casa llama a casimira la sirvienta o mucama y le dice:

“Clodomira a partir de ma�ana queda despedida, no aguanto mas sus malos genios y su alboroto aqu� en la casa.”

La sirvienta le contesta:

“Ay mi se�ora, usted me despide porque tengo una cara mas bonita que usted.”

“No sea atorrante”, le contesta la se�ora “�quien te ha dicho esto?”

“Su esposo mi se�ora”, contesta la muchacha.

“Arregla tus cosas y te vas le dice la se�ora.”

“Si mi se�ora, pero estoy segura que usted me echa porque tengo las piernas m�s bonitas que usted.”

“�Pero qui�n te dijo eso?”

“Su esposo mi se�ora.”

“Salga inmediatamente de esta casa, pedazo de mugre.”

“Est� bien mi se�ora… pero estoy segura que usted me despide porque en la cama hago mejor el amor que usted.”

“�Fuera de mi casa! �Ahora me vas decir que eso tambi�n te lo dijo mi esposo?”

“No mi se�ora, en eso su esposo si es muy respetuoso. Eso me lo dijo su chofer…”

Bush & the Blackboard

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson on politics. First he asked
the kid to write “The President” on the blackboard.
Then Bush asked the child what he thought the President should accomplish and
the child replied, “Protect the environment and clean up the air.”
Dubya countered, “Why should the clouds be white and the water be blue when
they could be all kinds of cool colors? Is that so terrible. Can’t we agree on
it? Can you spell “Is” and “We”?
The boy spells out “Is” then “We” on the blackboard.
“My friends at the oil companies can make chemicals to make trees tall. If
fact, they already did. Can you write, “tall” and “did”?
The boy writes the words on the blackboard.
“Now young man, what have you learned from your talk with the President?”
The boys stand up and read what he has written on the blackboard aloud: “The
President is we tall did.”

Dick Joke

A tomato, a pickle and a dick were arguing about who has it the worst.

The tomato says, “I have it bad because I get cut up and put in salads.”

The pickle says, “You think you have it bad. I get cut up and put on
burgers.”

Then the dick says, “You guys both got it easy. I have to put on a hat
every night and do pushups till I puke.”

Potential and Reality

A son asked his father : “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)

His father replied : “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said : “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”.

The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

His father then said : “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

The son getting rather irritated did this. He returned and said : “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman please tell me what’s the difference between potential and reality?”

His father looked at him and said :”This family has the potential to make $3 000 000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!

Switching Heads

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?”But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.When she comes back for the funeral, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the funeral director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.He says, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So… I switched the heads”