Girlfriend : “And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis
Author: admin
Doorstep Dando
What is the difference between Jill Dando and Shane Richie?
Shane Ritchie passed the doorstep challenge.
In-Flight Accident
Entertainment A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH MY GOD!”
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”
Chicken cock
Aman tells a woman (the blonde) to suck his cock so she goes and sucks on a chicken
The Confessional
A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to
make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he
crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a
confessional.
A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress and figuring the
fellow was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the
confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthily silence.
Finally he asked, “May I help you, my son?”
“I duuno,” came the drunk’s voice from behind the partition. “You got any
toilet paper on your side?”
What type of tracks?
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Only in America!
“Only in America”:
…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
…are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink.
…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
…do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “poli” in latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “blood-sucking creatures”.
Banjo joke
Q: What is the most seldom heard comment made of banjo players?A: “Say, isn’t that the banjo player’s Porsche?”
Stumpy Legged Pink Dog
A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, �Geez that’s a
weird dog: he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my
rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.�
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
Another trip to the yard and when it’s all over there are bits of pit-bull
terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, �Say what breed is
that anyway?�
The owner says, �Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same
breed as every other alligator.�
Sex On The Beach
A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying.
“Why are you crying?” he asks.
“I’ve never been hugged,” she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues
crying.
“Why are you crying?” he asks.
“I’ve never been kissed,” she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues
crying.
“Why are you crying?” he asks.
“I’ve never been screwed,” she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into
the water.
“There,” he says. “Now you’re screwed.”
2 blonds
two blonds walk into a bar …. well you would have thought one of them had notised it!!!!!
Christmas Humor
Knock, knock?
Whos there?
Megan and chicken
Megan and chicken who?
He’s megan a list and chicken it twice, he’s gonna find out whos naughty and nice…