Author: admin

Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kidd. He dreamed of being just like his hero.

One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols.

He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting. After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off.

He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kidd.

He was so excited! He walked up and said, “Mr. Kidd, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you.” “Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?”

Billy looked him over and said, “Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you shoot?”

Marvin looked around the room and said, “See that piano player over there?” He drew his pistol and fired, shooting the cufflink off the piano player’s shirt.

Billy said, “Not bad. Can you shoot with your left hand? A gunfighter’s got to be able to shoot with both hands.”

Marvin drew his other pistol and fired, shooting off the piano player’s other cufflink.

Billy said, “That’s mighty fine shooting. I just have one piece of advice for you.”

Marvin was bubbling with excitement, “What is it? What else should I do?”

Billy spoke slowly, “Well, go back into the kitchen there and get a big tub of lard. Take both of your pistols and rub them around in the lard, get them good and slick.”

Marvin was puzzled. He asked, “Why is that important? What good will rubbing my pistols in lard do?”

Billy replied, “It won’t help your shooting at all, but when Wyatt Earp finishes playing the piano over there he’s going to shove both of your pistols up your ass.”

Father Larry is in the confession booth one day when he has to go to the
bathroom really bad. He Calls over to the janitor. Jim, the janitor, comes over
and Father Larry explains that he has to go to the bathroom and wants Jim to
take over in the confession booth for him. Jim explains that he is not even
catholic and does not think it would be appropriate for him to take over, Father
Larry insist and explains to Jim that if somebody enters the booth to just look
up the punishment in the book on the table. Jim agrees and sits down in the
booth.

The first sinner comes in and says ‘Father I have sinned, I have cursed at my
mother’ Jim thumbs through the book and finds ‘cursing at mother’. Jim reads the
note and tells the sinner to say two Hail Mary�s and they are forgiven.

A minute later another sinner comes into the booth and says ‘Father I have
sinned, I cheated on my test’. Once again Jim looks it up in the book and tells
the sinner to say three “our Father’s” and they will be forgiven.

Jim starts top enjoy his new job and becomes more relaxed. The next sinner
walks in and say ‘Father please forgive me, I have sinned.’ Jim says ‘My son,
What have you done’ The sinner replies ‘I have had anal sex’ Jim, feeling very
comfortable goes over to the book and looks up anal sex, not finding anything he
checks again, but sure enough they is nothing for anal sex. Jim starts to get
worried and then he notices little Billy playing out back. Jim calls out to
Billy ‘hey Billy what does Father Larry give for anal sex?’

Bill shouts back ‘Two Twinkies and a coke!