Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Author: admin
Estaba el novio en la
Estaba el novio en la casa de su novia, cuando la comienza a besar y tocar por todas partes y cuando intenta sacarle la ropa, ella le dice:
“Hasta que no estemos casados, nada.”
“Pero mi amor, sabes que no tengo dinero, no encuentro trabajo, casarnos cuesta mucho dinero.”
“Bueno, pero hace dos a�os que me tienes a cuento o te casas o no te doy nada de nada.”
El novio muy apesadumbrado y cachondo se va para la casa.
Cuando sale se encuentra una cabra pastando y se le subi� toda la calentura a la cabeza, va de atr�s se la ensarta y se agarra de los cuernos.
En eso la cabra al sentir tal envi�n, sale corriendo como loca y se pone a dar vueltas alrededor de la casa.
En eso se asoma la nova a la ventana y los ve y dice:
“�Pero qu� hijo de puta, plata para casarse no tiene, pero anda en moto nueva!”
Lay an Egg
If a rooster lays an egg right on the point of a roof, which way does it
roll down?
Roosters doesn’t lay eggs!
Un matrimonio va por la
Un matrimonio va por la calle y encuentran con un amigo que se dirige al marido:
“�Hola, Paco! �Qu� tal est�s?
“Mal, Pedro, tengo un SIDA terrible. El m�dico me ha dado tres meses de vida”.
El amigo se despide r�pidamente y se va todo acongojado. La mujer le recrimina al marido:
“�Pero, Paco! �C�mo le dices a la gente que tienes SIDA, si lo que tienes en realidad es c�ncer de pulm�n?”
“Yo me voy a morir, pero contigo nadie se acuesta…”
People specialize in their area
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
Aliens
On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.
That clears up a lot of things.
Yo Momma is so fat…….
Your momma is so fat, she was swimming in the ocean and all the whales started singing, “we are family”.
Ambition is a poor excuse
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
a well-built man with good…
a well-built man with good
reputations and makes good pig
abbs and can give great se-
condes to talk with me and watch the movie xx-
x without getting to carried away
Feel free to apply, but please only read lines 1, 3, and 5.
Cooking Up Trouble
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.
“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – ‘Take a clean dish and….'”
Bad Day
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn’t move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down.
The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.
“When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
“I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison …”
Panda In A Bar
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”
The panda yells back at the bartender, “Hey man, I’m a Panda! Look it up!”
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”