A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas
flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last
night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this
morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and
this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love
another man.” When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
“And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?” “Once,” he
replied. “Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to
you this morning?” “Don’t stop.”
Author: admin
Out at the Bar…
I met this gal in a bar, and one thing lead to another… I said, “Let’s go back to my place.”
She said, “Oh, do you have cable?”
I said, “No… But I have some old ropes that should hold just fine…”
Afternoon Quickie
Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.”There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just drove by.”A few moments passed. “Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.”Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie.” Mom and Dad shot up in bed.”How do you know that?” the startled father asked. “Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied
1st grade
Yo mama so old that she sat behind Moses in the 1st grade.
The Sponge
Little Timmy was taking a shower with his mom. He turns around
and sees her pussy. Confused and a little scared he points and
asks “What is that?” A little startled, she quickly says “This
is my sponge.”
Three days later mom is spring cleaning the house and askes
little Timmy if he has seen her sponge? Timmy says “Yeah, dad
has it next door at Miss Johnson’s, and he is washing his face
with it.”
Mother Nature and the Golfer
Two guys are out one day golfing. One slices off to the right, one hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. The guy on the right is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can’t lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she mad!”What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?” she asks.”I’m just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady”, replies the golfer.”Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you’ve done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!”The golfer starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature’s patience.”What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?” she screams at him.”I’m not laughing about that – I’m laughing about my friend over there whacking the hell out of your pussy willows!
comback
You’ll never be the man your mamma was!
Horny Rooster
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster – one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. “Henry”, he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Henry, you’ll kill yourself.” But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy.”
“Shhhhh,” Henry whispered, “The buzzard is getting closer.”
Definition of a bastard………………………………….
Definition of a bastard……………….
a man who screws u all night with a 2 inch dick and kisses u god bye in the morning with a 12 inch tounge!!!!!!!!
Hi-Tech Conference
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, & Jerry sanders (CEOs of Microsoft, Intel & AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise was suddenly emitted from where Bill was sitting.
Bill said : “Oh! that’s my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call.: So Bill lifted his wrist-watch to his ear and began talking into the end of his tie. Having completed the call, he noticed the others were staring at him. So Bill explained : “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can take a call anywhere.” The others nodded, and the meeting continued.
5 min later, the discussion was again interrupted when this time round, from Andy started a beeping sound. “Oh that’s my emergency beeper” he said. “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” Andy tapped his earlobe and began talking into thin air. When he completed the call, he noticed the others staring at him and thus explained, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is embedded in this fake tooth, isn’t that neat?”
The others nodded and the meeting continue. Later still, the discussion was again interrupted when Jerry emitted a thunderous fart. He looked up at the others staring at him and said, “Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper….. I’m receiving a FAX.”
An executive will always return
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
Bigfoot Blonde
Q: What is the diffrence between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been seen.