Author: admin

Blonde Counting Shee

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Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says “If you can count all my sheep I’ll let you have any one you want.” The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, “You have 356 sheep.” The farmer exclaims, “Wow — you’re exactly right. I guess blondes really aren’t dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep.” The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him.”Oh no,” he says, “you can’t have that one.” “Why not?” asks the blonde, “you said I could have any sheep I wanted.” And the farmer says, “Ma’am, that’s my dog.”

Popes will

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The pope’s funeral continues. They keep coming up with these new facts all the time.

I was watching it today, and they said that the Vatican, just today, released the pope’s will to the public.

I didn’t know that he had a will. The surprising thing is, he left everything to the Church of Scientology.

A Fart Smeller or A Hearing

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There’s a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never be able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear. The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later. When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor’s only reaction to this was…”It’s good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing….”

TWO LAST GIFTS OF CREATION

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Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra
things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam
and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the
ability to stand up while urinating.

“It’s a very handy thing,” God told the couple, who he found under an apple
tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.”

Before God had a chance to explain any further, Adam jumped up and blurted,
“Oh, give that to me! I’d love to, please, oh please, oh please, let me have
that ability, It’d be so great! When I’m working in the garden or naming the
animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It’d be so cool; I could write
my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let
me stand and pee, oh please…” Adam went on and on like an excited little boy
who had to pee.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he
should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and
she really wouldn’t mind if Adam were the one given this ability.

And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection
while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting
down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And
it was good.

“Fine,” God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, “What’s left
here? Oh yes, Multiple orgasms…”