How can you tell if a Jewish American Princess’s a nymphomaniac?
She’ll make love the same day she has her hair done.
Author: admin
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
List of possible slogans promoting
List of possible slogans promoting National Condom Week
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you’re undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
The Word of the Day
The word of the day is “Legs”. So let’s goto your house and spread the word.
Top 14 Tips for Surviving College
14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and games until someone loses their ‘nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.
9. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
7. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
6. “I Phelta Thi” is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
5. Remember – almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
3. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
2. Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of it as “acing Biology.”
1. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.
Lights and siren
A blonde and a brunette were going to a party.
The brunette was driving and speeding because they were running late.
All of a sudden they hear sirens.
The brunette asked the blonde if the cops were after them.
The blonde replied “yes, no, yes, no, yes…”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Toast and grits.
You know you’re a redneck when you think that petroleum jelly goes with toast
and grits.
Giving sad news to a troop
The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private
Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.”
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
“Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP.
Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to
the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report
to the commander.”
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge,
that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a
bit more tactful, next time?”
“Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, “Sarge, I
just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother died. You’d better go tell him
and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful.”
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen
up.” “Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward.” “Not so fast, McGrath!”
Computer Hooker
What do you get when you cross a computer with a hooker?
A Fucking Know it all.
The 10-Year-Old Boy
A salesman knocks on the door of a suburban house.
It’s opened by a 10-year-old boy dressed in a cape that trails
along the floor behind him. On his head, he’s wearing a large
tophat. In one hand, he holds a huge glass of brandy and in the
other, a remote control. In his mouth is a smoking cigar.
“Mom and Dad in?” asks the salesman.
The boy replies, “Does it fucking look like it?”
Women seeking men
“WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds translations40-ish means: 48Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever willAffectionate means: Possessive
Realizations That You’re Not in College Anymore
(1) You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.
(2) Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.
(3) College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.
(4) Your parents charge rent.
(5) The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, pot and cereal.
(6) It’s ‘getting late’ when it’s 10:00 p.m.
(7) Three words: Student Loan Payments.
(8) You make thousands of dollars a year – and still can’t afford that dream Porsche.
(9) You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively.
(10) Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in the hospital by game’s end.
(11) Discussions with your friends: THEN: GPA’s, spring break plans, and tonsilhockey; NOW: Mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.
(12) Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
(13) Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.
(14) Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.
(15) Dinner and a movie – the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
(16) Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.
(17) Jack and Cokes become Dewars on the Rocks.
(18) The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.
(19) The weak dinger you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a ‘line drive single’ for the League Championship.
(20) You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, MTV and VH1.
(21) Random hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.
(22) You wear more ties in a week than you owned up to and including your four(?) years in college.
(23) You find yourself reminiscing fondly of Freshman Physics exams.
(24) You empathize with the characters from “Friends”.
(25) METABOLISM SLOWDOWN
(26) Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s, Mad Dog and Thunderbird.
(27) You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
(28) Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.
(29) When drinking, you say at least once per night, “I just can’t put it away like I used to”.
(30) Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.
(31) You’re actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that’s not full of ’21-year-old kids.’
(32) Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.