A Budda walks into a pizza shop and says the to the guy working there….
make me one with everything
Author: admin
Corporate Decisions
An executive was in a quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hungover after partying all night. She went to the water cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.”Debra replied: “Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache.”
Sound Dirty In Law But Aren’t:
Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren’t…
Have you looked through her briefs?
He is one hard judge!
Counselor, let’s do it in chambers.
His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
Is it a penal offense?
Better leave the handcuffs on.
For $200 an hour, she better be good!
Can you get him to drop his suit?
The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
Think you can get me off?
Sex and The Country
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas
flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last
night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this
morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and
this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love
another man.” When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
“And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?” “Once,” he
replied. “Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to
you this morning?” “Don’t stop.”
Una pareja de raza negra
Una pareja de raza negra decide impresionar en la fiesta de disfraces de unos amigos. El marido le pide a su mujer que se encargue de alquilarle un disfraz original… La mujer va a la tienda y le trae un disfraz de Batman.
“Pero mujer, �c�mo se te ocurre traerme este disfraz? �acaso has visto alguna vez un Batman negro?”
La mujer, muy contrariada, va en busca de otro disfraz… y le trae al marido un disfraz de Superman.
“Pero por Dios, a quien se le ocurre… primero de Batman, ahora de Superman… �Cuando narices has visto un Superheroe negro? Anda vete a la tienda y que te lo cambien de inmediato.”
La mujer que estaba hasta el gorro de su marido, y aprovechando que se encontraba en la ducha, le deja encima de la cama: tres botones blancos, un cintur�n blanco, y un palo de madera.
El marido al ver ese conjunto de elementos encima de la cama, y muy sorprendido le pregunta a su mujer:
“Pero bueno… �qu� es todo esto?”
“Muy sencillo cari�ito… Si te pegas en el pecho los tres botones blancos puedes ir de ficha de domin�… o bien si prefieres te colocas el cintur�n y vas de Galleta Oreo… y si no te gusta ninguno, te puedes meter el palo de madera por el culo, y vas de Helado de Chocolate.”
Yo mamma
yo mama so fat when she jumped off the diving board everyone screamed “ECLIPSE”.
How!
Some years ago, on Times Square in NYC, I observed a native American, in full Indian regalia, feather head dress, buckskin clothes, etc.
As a pretty woman would walk by, he would raise his right hand, in an Indian greeting, and say ” Wanna “.
I watched this ritual for about 20 minutes, and I became more curious as he kept making these greetings. Finally, I couldn’t resist any longer. I went up to the native American, and said, “I have been watching you, and I am confused. I thought that Indians say “How “
He turned to me, obviously quite annoyed, and said…
“ME KNOW HOW…ME TRYING TO FIND WOMAN WHO WANNA!!”
Q. What’s the
Q. What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Phantom Strikes
A grade school teacher comes into class one morning to find a litany of dirty words written all over the blackboard. She is very upset and tells the class to close its eyes and count to thirty. During that time, she says, the person who did it should erase the words. The class and the teacher close their eyes, and, after the time is up, open them. The board is indeed erased, except for a small note in the bottom of the board.
“Fuck you, teacher. The phantom strikes again!”
Ghost room
What room do ghosts never go to
The living room
Aide-Gate Funnies
This just in from my good friend Mark, who writes: ‘I like the cartoon in the Newsweek that arrived today . . .’Bill is lying in bed while Hillary reads: ‘Stand By Your Man.’ His eyes go wide as she comments ‘Bye the way, I hired a new intern today. Her name is Lorena Bobbitt.’
Types of computer viruses
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.