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Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Utica!Utica who?Utica the
Knock KnockWho’s there?Utica!Utica who?Utica the high road and I’ll take the low road!
My, Butt, and Stupid
There were three kids named My, Butt, and Stupid. They were pretty dumb and
didn’t know the word and. One day, they were playing ball on the sixth floor.
Then, suddenly Stupid dropped the ball out the window. My jumped out the window
to get the ball, while Butt tried to jump out the window to catch My. Stupid saw
that the two of them fall out the window and ran down the stairs. When he got
down, he saw a policeman looking at My and Butt. The policeman asked “Son, what
is your name?” Stupid answered “I’m Stupid!” The policeman said “You’re not
stupid, son, now do you know what happened here?” Stupid answered “My Butt fell
out the window!”
Eye-Popping Tongue Twister
A guy boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.
He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?
Other guy: “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.
See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest tits in the world was there. So, instead of saying ‘I’d like a ticket to Pittsburgh’, I accidentally said ‘I’d like a Picket to Tittsburgh.’ And then she socked me one.”
First guy: “Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: ‘Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.’ But I accidentally said:
‘You ruined my life you fuckin’ bitch!'”
2 brooms
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they fell in love, so they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!””
“”IMPOSSIBLE!!”” said the groom broom. “”WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER YET””
“
A lifetime of shame
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. ‘We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,’ she said, ‘ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?’A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, ‘Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?’
What did the Jewish American
What did the Jewish American Princess say when she knocked over a
priceless Ming vase?
Oh, Daaaaddy, it’s OK, I’m not hurt.
Clean dish!
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
“I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other.
“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, ‘Take a clean dish.'”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Yo momma so ugly
yo momma so ugly wrestle mania gave her a sign up contract just for taking photos
Little Salesman
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then leave this pub right now!” and approached a second man.”Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then leave this den of Satan,” said the priest, as he walked up to O’Toole.”Do you want to go to heaven?” “No, I don’t Father,” O’Toole replied. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, “You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”O’Toole smiled, “Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
Q: How many software
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None: “We’ll document it in the manual.”
Do you like a woman….
Armando went to his neighbor and asked, “Hey Carlos, do you like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way out?”
“No,” says Carlos.
Armando asks, “Do you like a woman whose teets hang almost to her knees?”
“No,” says Carlos.
“Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so mucho grande?”
“Caramba! No, amigo!” Carlos replied.
“Theen tell me why, ” asked Armando, “do you keep screwing my wife?”