Author: admin

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?”

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “You’ll try again!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

What do you call a depressed dentist? A little down in the mouth.

Q: How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan. (Refers to the Italian restaurant habit of sprinkling everything with Parmesan, even though it makes everything smell convincingly of sick.)

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk,
finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words “open me first” and the other three
are numbered 1 to 3.

He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying:
“These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency,
please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope
two second, and envelope three third.”

The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.

Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing
money fast.

After a lengthy day negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes.
So he opens the first one and it says: “Blame me, your predecessor for
everything”.

Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end.
His job is saved, and everybody’s happy.

A few month later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the
second envelope. It reads, “Blame the government for everything”.

It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once
again, saved.

A month later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to
the third envelope and it reads, “Prepare 4 new envelopes”.