I think it says a lot about our nation’s skewed priorities that we give
the President the unbridled authority to preempt any television program,
even during prime-time.
– Matt Diamond
Author: admin
Centipede
Knock-knock.
who’s there?
centipede.
centipede who?
centipede around the Christmas tree.
The Engineer’s Love Life
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, �I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship.
The artist said, �I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the passion and
mystery I found there.�
The engineer said, “I like both.”
“Both?” they questioned.
The Engineer said, “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done.”
Pooh
Why did Tigger go searching in the restroom?
He was looking for Pooh!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by bluelagoon
Telling the truth
One juror overheard saying to another. . .
You’ll notice that neither the prosecutor nor defense attorney swore to tell the truth!
The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net”4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.3. Video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons2. When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good Morning, Mr. President.”1. You hear him murmur, “Let’s see you use that Visa card now, jerk.”
Law Firms and their Specialities…
Law Firms and their Specialities
Torts (plaintiffs) Poor, Weiner, Lauder & Lauder
Torts (defendants) Billings, Daly & Dunnings
Tax law Dewey, Cheate & Howe
Appellate briefs Doolittle & Waite
Shareholder suits Harris, Pester & Noyes
Discrimination Black, Brown, Olde & Gaye
Criminal defense Meany, deGenera, Ripov & Zonovovich
Divorce Took, Haff & Moore
Corporate litigation Paper, Schroedinger & Losinger
Intellectual property Brain, Storm & Quarrels
Environmental Aulk, Richards, Bigg & Small
Bankruptcy Stone, Broque & Stiffel-Lott
Wrinkled
What’s wrinkled and hangs out your underwear?
Your mother.
Go down in flames
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It’s a beautiful day, and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: “Pierre, kiss me!”
Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie’s lips.
“What are you doing, Pierre?” says the startled Marie.
“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!”
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
“Pierre! What are you doing?” asks the bewildered Marie.
“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!”
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, “Pierre, kiss me lower!”
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, “PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”
Our hero stands up defiantly and says, “I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!”
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by yisman
What’s That?
Little Johnny is in the bathroom talking to his Mum while she has a shower.
He points between her legs at her shaven twat and says, “what’s that Mummy”
“Oh, that’s where Daddy hit me with an Axe” she says.
and Little Johnny says “Wow, good shot, right in the cunt”
Question and answers
There was a conference calling all the intellectuals of the world.
The agenda was to ask questions to the rest of the participants and if all of them dont know the answer then the one who questioned needs to answer the question. If the questioner himself doesnt know the answer he is fined heavy amounts.
Participant A: How does squirrel makes its hole?
Crowd: thinks for sometime and gives up, Please answer your questions says the chair person.
Participant A: It comes out digging from the earth.
Participant B: But how does it went inside the earth?
Participant A: taking his sit back, We dont know the answer to that please answer your question.
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!