Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks’ library? Both the books got
burned, and one hadn’t even been colored in yet!
Author: admin
What did the fish
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
DAM!
Yo mama is so dark
Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road, when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. “My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. “My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf,” claims Little Red Riding Hood. Again, the surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.About 2 miles down the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. “My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you get lost? I’m just trying to take a dump!”
Just Made It
A guy races into the men’s toilet, burns up to the urinal, whips out his
twelve inch dick and says with a sigh of relief, “Phew, just made it.” The
guy next to him looks over and says, “Impressive, can you make me one too?”
Redneck computer term
Rom – Where the pope lives.
Perfect Faith
A postal worker finds an unstamped, poorly written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it’s from an elderly lady, distressed because $100 of her grocery money has been stolen. She will be without food till the first of the month.
Concerned that the old woman would be hungry, the postal worker takes up a collection for her from his fellow co-workers, and comes up with $96. Then they have her mail carrier deliver it to her that very day.
A week late, the worker recognizes the same writing on another envelope addressed to God. He opens it to read:
“DEAR GOD,
THANK YOU FOR THE $100 YOU SENT ME. I WOULD HAVE GONE HUNGRY WITHOUT IT.
YOUR FAITHFUL SERVANT,
MARTHA
P.S. IT WAS $4 SHORT, BUT THAT WAS PROBABLY BECAUSE OF THOSE THIEVING BASTARDS DOWN AT THE POST OFFICE!”
Catering
A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other’s clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock.
“Quick!” she said to the man, “it’s my husband! You’ve got to get out of here quick!”
“Where’s the back door?” the man asked as he grabbed his clothes.
“There isn’t one,” she replied.
“Where would you like one?” he asked.
Really ass ugly!!!
yo mamma is so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn the cameras off
yo mamma is so ugly, the psyciatrest makes her lay face down
“Yo mommA””!!”
your momma’s so hairy she makes don king look bald.
your momma’s so fat that when she was in the zoo cleaning shit evryone thought it was a hippo.
your momma’s like a toilet she’s fat,ugly,smells like shit and gets used 24/7.
your momma’s like a bowling ball gets picked up fingered goes down the alle and then comes back for more.
your momma’s like a country ride everyone gets a ride.
your momma’s so fat she makes a whale look like a tic-tac.
your momma’s like an air pump always blowing.
your momma’s so ugly when she was born her face got mistaken for her ass.
your momma’s like vacuum cleaner sucks,blows then gets laid in the closet.
your momma’s like a vacuum cleaner sucks, blows then eats dust.
your momma’s like an ice lolli always getting licked out.
your momma’s like a hammer always getting banged.
your momma’s had more bangs than John Whaynes gun.
your momma’s like crisps always getting eaten.
your momma’s like a fish always getting wet.
Cheerios!
6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said “I think it’s about time we start swearing. Don’t you?”
Little Johnny nodded in agreement.
Marilyn said “Ok, I say ‘ass’ and you say ‘hell.'”
Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat.
Marilyn replied “Well hell mom, I’ll have some Cheerios.”
Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast.
Little Johnny said “I don’t know, but you bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
Advise From Kids
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?”
don’t answer him. – Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13
6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13
7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to. – Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your
hair. – Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room
as your school assignment. – Traci, 14
10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
– Kyoyo, 9
11. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
– Armir, 9
12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9
13. Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.
– Joel, 10
14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when
she’s on the phone. – Alyesha, 13
15. Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8