Yours Fun Portal !
Dos borrachos, por la calle, se tropiezan con un pocot�n de mierda:
“Compa�ero, eso es mierda”.
“No, no, no, eso es un pastel”.
“Que no, que no, eso es mierda”.
“Le digo que no, pru�bela y ver�”.
Despu�s que la prueba:
“Ten�as raz�n es mierda, �menos mal que no la pisamos!”
Humankind’s propensity for imposing anthropomorphic characteristics on inanimate objects has now reached computers. But, which gender should your PC be?
Here are the top ten reasons why they have to be male.
They have a lot of data, but they’re still clueless.
A better model is just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you get them home.
It’s always essential to have a backup.
They’ll do whatever you want if you push the right buttons.
The best part of having one is the games you can play.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
Big power surges knock them out at night.
Size does matter.
But then again, here are the top ten reasons why they are obviously female.
They’re oh so picky, picky, picky.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Beauty is only shell deep.
When you ask them what’s wrong, they always say ‘nothing’.
They can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
They are always turning simple statements into big productions.
Small talk is important.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
They make you take the garbage out.
Miss a period and they go wild.
The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back
down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to
hear the details.
She said, “He was a big muscular and handsome sailor”.
“What did he want to do?” They all asked.
She said, “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said
he didn’t have that much. So I told him that oral sex would be
$75, but he didn’t have that much either. Finally I said, well
how much do you have?”
The sailor said that he only had $25.
The new hooker said, “For $25 all I can do is service you by
hand.”
He agreed and after getting the finance straight, she said, “He
pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then a second hand
above the first and then the first hand above the second hand.”
“Oh my god” they all exclaimed, it must have been huge, then
what did you do?”
“I loaned him $75!” she said.
What’s the difference between a Cop
with a speed gun and going down on a woman? .
When you go down on a woman you can
always see the cunt behind the bush!
How does a perve know when to stop fucking?
When his mates breasts flash red…
EPISCOPALIANISM You have Anglophile two cows. They are American, but speak
with English accents, sit around and smoke the best cigars, drink the finest
wine, and enjoy each other’s delicious intellectualism. On occasion they give
sermons to the other cows on how to be a better steward of their money.
The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.”What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can’t steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary.Ummm… So far so good… maybe… But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers.
Why did the bride wear her ring on the wrong
hand?
Because she married the wrong person.
A pair of counterfeiters accidentally make some thirteen dollar bills.
No business in town will accept the money, and they are about to throw
it away when they run across a store run by an [ethnic].
They ask the [ethnic] for change from the $13 bill, and he replies
“Certainly, would you like a nine and a four, or a seven and two threes?”
Q: Why dont mexicans and blacks have children together?
A: They’re afraid the kids will grow up too lazy to steal.
This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.”Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small,” he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.”Well, American beer,” he replies quite bemused.”Aaaahhh. There’s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers… you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow.”Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.”I take it you now drink Guinness?”asked the doctor.”Oh no, Doc,” replies the man, “but I’ve got the wife on American beer!”
A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.
As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt.
One of his buddies said, “That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I can’t believe you stopped playing, possibly loosing your concentration, to pay your respects.”
“Well, we were married for 25 years!”