Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde’s ass? A: A brain tumor.
Author: admin
How many professors does it take to change…
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Little Johnny Crack-up.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was
a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Bobby?”
“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three
days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very
top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male
student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”
“Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.”
Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more
severe, and tells him – “I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.
“And where do you think you are going?” she asks.
“Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!”
Live Out In a Tent
A shiftless young fellow of Kent
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.
Tough Brake
One day these 3 guys were walking & found a demand.The demand said go in the fores get 3 ot a kind of fruit,so they did. The 1st gut got apples and the demander said stick it up your butt, so he did but the demander got bored and sent him up in heaven.The second guy was smart and got 3 grapesbut he was laughing too much so the demander sent him to heaven.The first guy said why did you laugh you could have lived, and the second guy said, because the tird guy had pinaples.
Una pareja de raza negra
Una pareja de raza negra decide impresionar en la fiesta de disfraces de unos amigos. El marido le pide a su mujer que se encargue de alquilarle un disfraz original… La mujer va a la tienda y le trae un disfraz de Batman.
“Pero mujer, �c�mo se te ocurre traerme este disfraz? �acaso has visto alguna vez un Batman negro?”
La mujer, muy contrariada, va en busca de otro disfraz… y le trae al marido un disfraz de Superman.
“Pero por Dios, a quien se le ocurre… primero de Batman, ahora de Superman… �Cuando narices has visto un Superheroe negro? Anda vete a la tienda y que te lo cambien de inmediato.”
La mujer que estaba hasta el gorro de su marido, y aprovechando que se encontraba en la ducha, le deja encima de la cama: tres botones blancos, un cintur�n blanco, y un palo de madera.
El marido al ver ese conjunto de elementos encima de la cama, y muy sorprendido le pregunta a su mujer:
“Pero bueno… �qu� es todo esto?”
“Muy sencillo cari�ito… Si te pegas en el pecho los tres botones blancos puedes ir de ficha de domin�… o bien si prefieres te colocas el cintur�n y vas de Galleta Oreo… y si no te gusta ninguno, te puedes meter el palo de madera por el culo, y vas de Helado de Chocolate.”
Three lawyers and
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.
”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked one of
the
three lawyers.
”Watch and you’ll see,” answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, ”Ticket, please”
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was
quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy
the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment,
the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.
”How are you going to travel without a ticket,” asks one perplexed lawyer.
”Watch and you’ll see,” says one of the engineers.When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over
to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding He knocks on the door and says,
”Ticket, please.”
Afternoon Quickie
Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.”There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just drove by.”A few moments passed. “Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.”Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie.” Mom and Dad shot up in bed.”How do you know that?” the startled father asked. “Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied
Types of computer viruses
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Why did the blonde f
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Sex and The Country
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas
flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last
night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this
morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and
this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love
another man.” When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
“And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?” “Once,” he
replied. “Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to
you this morning?” “Don’t stop.”
Aide-Gate Funnies
This just in from my good friend Mark, who writes: ‘I like the cartoon in the Newsweek that arrived today . . .’Bill is lying in bed while Hillary reads: ‘Stand By Your Man.’ His eyes go wide as she comments ‘Bye the way, I hired a new intern today. Her name is Lorena Bobbitt.’