You’re a redneck if…. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal
occasions.
Author: admin
Toe Curling
Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well, and soon Bert suggested that they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity. It wasn’t long before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they were making love, though, Bert noticed that Flo’s toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out.When they were done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, “I must have been pretty good tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out.”Flo looked at him and smiled.”That usually happens when someone forgets to remove my pantyhose.”
Guide Dog Almost Killed Blind Man
A blind man is walking down the street with his guide dog one
day. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the
high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind
man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by
the screech of tires as panicked drivers try desperately not to
run the pair down. Horns blaring, the blind man and the dog
finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of
the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat
pocket which he offers to the dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can’t
control his amazement and says to the blind man, “Why on earth
are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you
killed!”
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, “To
find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass!”
My Dad Owns Hell!
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: “That’s nothin’. My dad owns hell.””No way,” another boy scoffed.”How can a man own hell?””Sure he can,” the preacher’s son said.”My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night.”
Three flys
there are three flys in a jar two girls one boy one of the girls get tired of being in a jar so she asked the male how do we get out he said suck my dick and ill tell you so she did he told her to fly up to the top as fast as she could so she did and she broke her neck same with the other one and the boy got out.
ask how
suck my dick and ill tell you
In the Park
There was this boy and girl that are about 5 years old that look
at each other naked in the park each day. The girl comes home
and say, “Mommy what’s this?” The Mom replied, “That’s your
garage, don’t ever let a boy put his limousine in your garage”
The boy went home and asked his father the same thing, “Daddy
what’s this?” The father replied, “That’s you limousine, don’t
ever put your limousine in a girls garage.”
So the next day they go to the park and look at each other
naked. The girl comes home with bloody hands and her mom asks
what happened. The girl replied, “He tried to put his limousine
in my garage so I ripped his 2 front wheels off.”
Lunch Box
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on the
scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch. The Irishman said,
“Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for
lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box
and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I’m going to
jump off too.” The redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.” Next day the Irishman opens
his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican
opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees
the bologna and jumps to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife
is weeping. She says, “I I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and
cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!” The Mexican’s wife also
weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he
hated burritos so much.” Everyone turned and stared at the redneck’s wife.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said. “He makes his own lunch.”
Smart Woman
Three men where trying to cross a river when a genie appears and
grants them all a wish. The first guy wishes he could fly so he
could fly over the river. The genie grants his wish and he flies
over the river. The second guy wishes he was strong so he could
swim over the river. The genie grants his wish and he swims
across the river. The third guy wishes he was smart so he could
figure out how to get over the river. The genie thinks for a
little while and then the guy turns into a lady and walks over
the bridge.
Politician + Lawyer = ?
Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a dishonest lawyer?A. Chelsea!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Guthrie!Guthrie who!Guthrie three
Knock KnockWho’s there?Guthrie!Guthrie who!Guthrie three blind mice!
Ya ma
ya ma is so fat god said let there be light so she rolle
d over
Throw It All Into A River
A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! “If I had
all the beer in the world, I’d throw it all into the river.”
With greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d
throw it all into the river.”
And finally he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d throw it
all into the river, too!”
As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, “For
our closing hymn, let us sing number 365:”
“Shall We Gather at the River.”