Q:What does it mean when you see car tracks in Afganistan
A:Osama’s Bin Drivin
Author: admin
Helen Keller
Q: Why does Helen Keller masterbate with one hand?
A: Because she needs to other one to moan.
3 Men, 3 Wishes
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ”You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, ”Beerrr!!!” Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling,”lemonadeee!!!” Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling ”wheeeeeeeee!!!”’
Confessional
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, ‘Father, forgive me for I have sinned.’The priest asks, ‘What did you do?’The woman says, ‘I committed adultery.’The priest says, ‘How many times?’ And the woman replies, ‘Three.’Priest: ‘Say two Hail Mary�s, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.’A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, ‘Father forgive me for I have sinned.”What did you do?’�I committed adultery.”How many times?”Three times.’The priest says, ‘Say two Hail Mary�s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.’The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it, so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, ‘Father, forgive me for I have sinned.’The rabbi says, ‘What did you do?’The woman replies, ‘I committed adultery.’The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, ‘How many times?’The woman replies, ‘Once.’The rabbi said, ‘Go and do it two more times, We have a special this week, three for $5.’
Fart
There were four popstars in a room. One of them did a fart.
Shaggy said, “It wasn’t me.” Craig David said, “I’m walking away.”
Pink said, “You make me sick.” Britney Spears said, “Oops I
did it again!”
Question answer
Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?It was a cup draw! Where do football directors go when they are fed up?The bored room! A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?”Were the crowd not behind you” asked the reporter”They were right behind me all right”, said the manager, “But I managed to shake them off at the station!” Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat?To see if there was any more money in the kitty!
Olympic city bribery
The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool. 8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor’s office are named either Ingrid or Sven. 7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell. 6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn’t think the term “New York City Hospitality Committee” is an oxymoron. 5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches. 4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: “My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition.” 3. “Miss Salt Lake” for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech. 2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.and the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site…1. The IOC suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties. This list is copyrighted by Chris White.
Perfect shape
Guy’s wife comes home from her physical checkup at the M.D.’s, and her hubby says, “Well, how did it go?” She tells him, “The doctor says I’m in perfect shape!” Husband says, “Oh, yeah? How about that big fat ass?” She says, “Oh, we didn’t talk about you!”
Get in line
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The bystander couldn’t stand the mystery. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
The woman replied “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”
“What happened to him?”
The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”
The onlooker enquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”
The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
“Can I borrow the dog?”
“Get in line.”
What time does the bar open?
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
“It opens at noon” answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
“What time does the bar open?” he asks.
“Same time as before… Noon.” replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered “Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?”
The clerk then answers, “It opens at noon, but if you can’t wait, I can have room service send something up to you.”
“No… I don’t wanna git in… Ah wanna git OUT!!!”
Fitness Philosophy
1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now & we don’t know where the hell she is. 2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. 3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. 5. I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. 6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. 7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. 8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. 9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. 10. I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
Bush at the Vatican
President Bush is going to visit the Vatican.
He says he’s looking forward to meeting the Pope and Mrs. Pope