Knock KnockWho’s there?Delores!Delores who?Delores is on the side of the good guys!
Author: admin
Men Resist Fatherhood
Why do men resist becoming fathers?
Because they aren’t through yet being children.
Appetite
A woman asks her husband, “Would you like bacon and eggs for your breakfast?”
He declines, saying, “It’s the Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “How about a bowl of homemade soup or a cheese sandwich, perhaps?” she inquires.
He declines. “It’s the Viagra,” he says. “It really takes away my desire for food.”
Dinner time comes around, she asks again if he’d like anything to eat, “A microwave pizza would only take a couple of minutes. Would you like some?”
He says, “Nah, I’m still not hungry.”
So she says, “Well in that case, would you mind getting off me? I’m starving!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman and Curtis
New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
At the time of writing, Microsoft’s slogan for Windows 95 was “Where do you want to go today?” These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
Clinton
What’s the simiarity between Clinton and a carpenter?
One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart!
Czechs and Lawyers
A lawyer asked a Czechoslovakian friend of his to go hunting one day. While strolling thru the woods a grizzly bear attacked them. While the bear ate the Czech… the lawyer managed to escape. He ran to the forest rangers cabin.
After telling the ranger what had happenned… the ranger said… ‘You’ll have to go with me and identify the bear.’ The ranger grabbed his rifle and the lawyer followed him back into the woods. It didn’t take long to find the bear… but he was with a female bear at the time.
The ranger took aim… and asked the lawyer: ‘Which one is it… the male or the female?’.
The lawyer said the male. Then all of a sudden .. BANG! The female bear fell to the ground and died. The lawyer perplexed and confused asked the ranger: ‘Why did you shot the female? I said it was the male.’
To which the ranger replied: ‘Do you really expect me to believe: a “lawyer” saying… the Czech is in the male?’
Girl Talk
Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl
talks, and Hillary said to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put
up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is
no telling where he last had his pecker.”
Janet responded, “Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that’s
“politically correct” for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off
unwelcome sexual advances.”
Hillary asked, “Well,… how do you deal with the problem?”
“Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I
muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.”
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary
slipped into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would
be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and she was
ready for him!
She tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding
fart you could imagine.
Bill rolled over and asked, “Janet, is that you?”
Dead Farmer
When a farmer dies, why is he only buried six inches deep?
So he can still get a hand out.
Nut House
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”
Another one said, “How do you know?”
The first inmate said, “God told me!”
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!!!”
Those raccoons are not luggage
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. “Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked. “No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”
Who's in charge
Who’s In Charge of The Body All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. The brain said: “I should be in charge, because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.” “I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.” “I should be in charge,” said the heart, “because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you’d all waste away.” “I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.” All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss. The moral of the story? You don’t have to be smart or important to be in charge… just an asshole.
Blonde On Either Side
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.