Author: admin

Watch out for cops

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One day, a blonde and a brunette were driving to a party and they were
speeding because they were late.

“Watch out for cops,” the brunette said.

They drove on for about five minutes when suddenly the blonde said nervously,
“I think that’s a cop behind us.”

“Is it after us?” the brunette questioned.

“Er, um…” answered the blonde.

“Well, is it?” asked the brunette with a growing temper.

“I don’t know…”

“Well are it’s lights on?” insisted the brunette.

Replied the blonde, “Yes… no… yes… no… yes… no… yes… no…”

A future fireman.

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A fireman looked out of the fire house window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had his little red wagon, and he had hung small ladders on the side of it, and coiled the garden hose up in it, and he was wearing a fireman’s hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon.

The fireman thought this was really cute so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had.

As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles. The fireman said, “Son, I don’t want to try to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog’s neck you would go faster.”

“Maybe so,” said the little boy, “But then I’d lose my siren!”

I will do anything to pass

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A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.”I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. “Anything?” “Anything.” His voice softens. “Anything??” “Absolutely anything.” His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you…study?”

The Gerbil

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This guy named Bob walked into a bar with a frog and a gerbil. The
bartender, who was curious of why he had such odd pets with him decided to
ask about it. The guy replied “that his animals had special talents and
could not leave them at home.” So, the bartender, who was now even more
curious then before, wanted to know what they did, so of course he asked.

Bob then whipped out a miniature piano. He sat the Gerbil down next to the
piano and the little thing started playing. After a few measures, the frog
starts singing to the tune.

The man that was sitting next to the guy said that he would pay Bob $500
for that frog.

Without thought, the man gave the frog to the man.

As Bob was counting his money, the bartender asked why he sold such a
thing. To which Bob replied “it is okay, the Gerbil is a ventriloquist”

10 SIGNS YOU’RE IN FOR A LONG SUNDAY SERMON

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10. There’s a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler.
9. The pews have camper hookups.
8. You overhear the pastor telling the sound man to have a few (dozen!) extra
tapes on hand to record today’s sermon.
7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit.
6. The preacher breaks for an intermission.
5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus.
4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he rolls in a
filing cabinet.
3. The choir loft is furnished with La-Z-Boys.
2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit, the preacher
turns up a four-foot hour-glass.
1. The minister says, “You’ll be out in time to watch the Super Bowl” but it’s
only July!

Never Heard That Exc

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A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down,the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and bluelight behind him.”There ain’t no way they can catch a Corvette,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 130 and finally 150 with the light still behind him.”What the hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. ”I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before you can go!””Last week my wife ranoff with a cop,” the man said, “and I was afraid you were trying to give herback!””Off you go,”said the officer.