The family doctor was checking on Jill and her four small children, one of whom he was treating for a cold.”Have you taken every precaution to prevent spread of contagion in your family?” he asked.”Absolutely, Doctor,” replied Jill earnestly.”We’ve even bought a sanitary cup, and we all drink from it.”
Author: admin
I’m a patient man
“I’m a patient man. And when I say I’m a patient man, I mean I’m a patient
man. Nothing he [Saddam Hussein] has done has convinced me � I’m confident the
Secretary of Defense � that he is the kind of fellow that is willing to forgo
weapons of mass destruction, is willing to be a peaceful neighbor, that is �
will honor the people � the Iraqi people of all stripes, will � values human
life. He hasn’t convinced me, nor has he convinced my administration.” �George
W. Bush, Crawford, Texas.
News Item: Flinstones Way too Gay
Bush Seeks Ban on Cartoon, Cereal, Vitamins
The ongoing campaign against alleged gay icons in animated cartoons continued today as president Bush demanded that television stations stop broadcasting “The Flintstones” at once.
Harland Devane, presidents Bush�s leader of the group Focus on the Flintstones, said at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today that his organization was issuing the demand because, “Quite simply, everything about ‘The Flintstones’ is way too gay.”
The conservative activist distributed a memo itemizing over fifty ways in which the self-styled “modern Stone Age family” series promotes homosexuality, but left little doubt that most of his concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.
“Their relationship is more flagrantly homosexual than anything in Oliver Stone’s ‘Alexander,'” Mr. Devane said.
He pointed out that Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants, and live together in the suggestively named town of Bedrock.
Noting that the show’s theme song exhorts viewers to have “a gay old time,” he added that the two men wear hard hats and construction garb while at work, an oblique reference to the construction worker in the classic disco band “The Village People.”
“Do I believe they are gay icons?” Mr. Devane said. “I abba-dabba-do.”
He added that Focus on the Flintstones’ efforts will not stop at banning the cartoon series from TV, telling reporters that the group is also “taking a close look” at Flintstone-related consumer products such as Flintstone vitamins and cereal.
“We are very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles,” he said
Best introduction to a musical performance:…
Best introduction to a musical performance:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve suffered for my music.
Now it’s your turn.”
– Michael Palin, parodying Bob Dylan
Two neighbors were talking about
Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, “Say, why did the foreman fire you?”Replied the second, “Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman.”
Q. Why are women like screen doors?…
Q. Why are women like screen doors?
A. Once they get banged a few times they loosen up.
A quote on marriage
Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife
Soldier’s Ambition
An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir.”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front, Sir.”
“Good man,” said the Major.
He went to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic piles, Sir.”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front, Sir.”
“Good man,” barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day.”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!”
yo mamma is so stupid she asked me what kind…
yo mamma is so stupid she asked me what kind of pants i had and i said guess and then she said levis
Telling Off The Maid
Mrs. Abercrombie was unhappy with the way Elena the maid cleaned. Finding a layer of dust on the dining room table, she started to chew out the maid.
Elena defending herself said, “I’m a better cook than you, I clean house better than you.”
“Who told you that?� Mr. Abercrombie? Mrs. Abercrombie snapped.
“I’m even better in bed than you!”, Elena proudly stated
Mrs. Abercrombie sneered and said, “I suppose my husband told you that too.”
“No Mrs. Abercombie� The gardener did!”
The unseen force
Time-Life has been running a commercial recently hawking its book series Mysteries of the Unknown. At one point in this commercial the narrator describes an event at Stonehenge where a person ‘was grabbed by a terrifying unseen force and held suspended in the air.’I don’t know about you, but where I’m from, this is better known as a ‘wedgie.’
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